How about forever?
by mydilaurentis-fields
Summary: "Ali, you don't have to wait to be happy. If there's something, right now, that makes you smile, do it. You might not ever get the chance to again. God knows you deserve it" "I'm working on it, Han. I promise" -Canon events up until 7x14- my ideal scenario of what happens next x
1. Chapter 1

**Evening all!**

 **After the shock and heartbreak of 7x14 I decided to write a follow up story, just in case MK does her thanngg and fucks it up (if she doesn't fuck it up then I'll take that back)**

 **Starts immediately after Hanna storms out of Ali's living room, so everything up until that point is canon. The rest is my imagination.**

 **This will most definitely be a multi-chapter, but less -AD will be included (mentioned, but not the focal point) and it's an Emison story at heart.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

 **And stay positive, Emison fans. We'll get there.**

 **xxxxxx**

Was it normal, Emily thought, to feel like passing out when you find someone is pregnant with your child? Then again, she counteracted, this wasn't a normal situation. Her entire life was anything but normal and from this point onwards she couldn't bring herself to believe it would ever get simpler. Minutes felt like hours after Hanna had stormed off, each of the remaining girls looking for an excuse to leave but at the same time not wanting to be away from the comfort the other one bought them. It was impossible.

"You don't have to stay, guys, it's late. Go home, get some rest and we'll meet up tomorrow" Ali said, barely focused, her voice dry and withered. Spencer and Aria exchanged glances.

"Yeah" Emily agreed, clearing her throat "I'm gonna stay here with Ali, you guys head home" Spencer breathed heavily, stroking Ali's shoulder as she pulled a face of intense concentration, her eyes not leaving the fireplace.

"Actually, Em, I'm supposed to be staying here tonight-" Aria began, wanting to explain what was going on with Ezra but knowing that now was really not the time. As Emily didn't say anything, with a look of annoyance in her eyes, Spencer cut in.

"It's okay, Aria, just crash in the barn with me" she offered "it's been too long since we've had a sleepover" she teased, trying to lighten the mood. Emily turned to Spencer with a smile of gratitude.

"Okay, yeah, sure let me just grab my bag. Ali is it okay if I go upstairs?" Ali turned to her.  
"Yeah, of course help yourself" She said wearily. For a few moments there was silence as Aria ran upstairs.

"I know it's a stupid question but- are you two going to be alright here tonight?" She asked carefully. Ali took Emily's hand in her own as Spencer continued stroking the her back, trying to alleviate some of the pain the girls were feeling, and feeling guilty knowing that there was nothing anyone could do to make this better for either of them.

"We'll be fine" Was all she said.. Spencer looked at both of them, sadness in her eyes. Emily refused to meet hers, knowing the second she did her vulnerability and fear would seep through.

"You don't have to do that" Spencer said quietly.

"Do what?" Emily said, still not looking at her in the eye.

"Act like you're okay. You're not okay, either of you, and that's okay. That's normal. But the worst thing you could possibly do right now is pretend this isn't happening" Spencer knew it was risky, she knew that she was crossing too many boundaries that she shouldn't be, that it was for the two of them to figure out and it was her place to be there for them only when they asked for it. But it was impossible to stay out of it knowing how broken and violated two of her best friends would be feeling.

"We aren't pretending anything. My only concern right now is Ali. I'm sorry if it bothers you knowing that I don't want to spout out my feelings hoping the problem will solve itself" Emily almost spat, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Em, I just think-" Spencer began, but Ali cut her off before she could finish.

"Spencer, don't" Alison warned, not angry yet but wanting to protect Emily's feelings, knowing this conversation could wait at least until morning.

"I'm worried about you" Spencer tried one more time "you have more than each other, okay? You have us too"

"So what, Spence? I can tell you how dirty I feel right now?" As Alison's voice grew in volume, Emily's head flicked up for the first time since Hanna had stormed out. She placed a comforting hand on her thigh, trying to calm her, with little success "How knowing that this-this person this thing was prodding and poking at me while I was passed out in a hospital bed? To know that I'm carrying the girl I- my best friends child without her knowledge or consent. To tell you that no matter how many showers I take or-or movies I watch or hugs I receive the ghost of the hands that restrained me and injected me will never leave. Ever. Because that's how I feel, Spence. I feel violated. I feel dirty. I feel ruined"  
"Ali-" Emily said, holding her hand more tightly and putting the other arm around her shoulder as Ali continued to stare at Spencer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry" Spencer said, looking Ali in the eye, forcing contact. Ali softly shook her head.

"No I-I'm sorry. You were just being kind" Ali smiled softly, pulling Spencer down for a hug. Aria reappeared a moment later, her bag hooked on her arm. She knew as she stepped foot back in the living room she was interrupting something.  
"Is everything okay?" She asked, walking forward to stand by Emily's side, seeing Ali's bloodshot eyes- whether from exhaustion or tears or both nobody knew.

"I think we're going now" Spencer told Aria "these two need some time" Aria nodded silently, kissing the top of Emily's head and stroking Ali's arm before turning around with Spencer.  
"Love you" Spencer called to the pair of them."always" They both mustered a reciprocating smile, and the other two left, the soft slam of the door echoing throughout the house. Emily fell into Alison as the latter wrapped her arms around her and rested her head on the top of Emily's.

"We'll be okay" Emily said softly, playing with one of the buttons of Ali's jacket to give her hands something to do.

"I know" Alison practically hummed, closing her eyes. "we always are" For a while they sat in front of the fire, unsure of what to say to the other but needing to be together. Ali was sure Emily had fallen asleep, so when the fire finally died down and the room suddenly became colder, she held her close and carried her to the bedroom, not knowing what the next day was going to bring, just knowing that it would be okay, as long as they had each other.

…...

Her head thumped, enduringly, constantly in the background of her life, like a petulant child begging, _screaming,_ for another scoop of ice cream. She sat in the bleachers of the pool, alone and unprepared, trying to sort herself out before the meet this afternoon. Her girls had worked hard for this, and she didn't want to be the one to ruin it. The smell of chlorine, usually one to help her mind rest, poisoned her nose. It was unrelenting, and all she wanted to do was race home, proper home, California home, and lie in a bed- she didn't particularly care whose- and stay there. Forever. For a while she sat, letting the gentle sway of the water calm her for just a moment. She let her mind rush back to the best days- the days where she could swim. The days where being in the pool was all she needed to be content. The days where she knew, from every piece of her soul, that she was good. That she was good enough. Her heart ached for those days. She let her eyes droop shut, her vision clouded with memories of Rosewood High.

"If I had known I could sleep on the job I would've become a teacher much sooner" Emily was cut out off her dream by the only voice that, at the moment, she felt like listening to.

"Ali" she sighed, smiling slightly "Hi" She slowly bought her legs back down to the ground, and pulled her jacket back over her exposed shoulders.

"Hey" Ali said sincerely, with a warm smile.

"I didn't know any one else was here" Emily said, at a loss of what to say. Ali laughed, but Emily felt she could detect a little bitterness.

"You weren't there when I woke up" Ali said, shrugging "it wasn't hard to guess where you'd be" Emily nodded understandingly and looked down at the tiled floor, paying too much attention to a smeared grey stain.

"Have you heard from the girls?" She attempted conversation again. Alison just shook her head.

"Not since last night. I think Hanna took to retail therapy with Aria and Spencer's mum is taking her for lunch" Emily felt like choking. Her and Ali had never so much had had an awkward silence, but this seemed so much more heartbreaking. She didn't want this baby to break what they already had.

"I'm glad Spence and Veronica are talking" She said truthfully "no more relationships need to be destroyed because of ...this" It was a word arbitrary in it's meaning, but unbearably heavy in the context. Ali didn't even smile, but nodded in strong agreement. She loudly inhaled, and moved closer to the edge of the water.

"I remember watching you swim in this pool for the first time" She stated with a smirk, turning with her hands out, trying to get Emily out of her seat. Emily took the bait, treading carefully down the metal steps and taking a light hold of Alison's hand, their fingers connecting for a moment, an electric shock passing through them as they did.

"You do?" Emily said, not convinced. "that was over 10 years ago" She raised her eyebrows and Ali released her hand so she could flip off her small heeled shoes.

"I do" she said matter-of-factly "you were in that lane over there" she said, pointing the 3rd lane in the pool "we were 14, and it was the end of the year. I remember thinking how different it felt, watching you succeed at something to when one of the others did" She sighed, plopping her feet in the warm water, pulling Em down with her.

"What do you mean?" The latter asked. Alison took a moment before replying, and it was obvious to Emily it was because she was a little ashamed of the words that were about to come out of her mouth.

"It was always different" she said, her fingers tracing delicate whirlpools that splashed at Emily's ankles "whenever Spencer won an award for another fricking essay, or Aria won her short story competitions, or even Hanna when she started making new friends, I was jealous. I didn't admit it then, obviously, but I was so jealous that I wanted to ruin it for them. I wanted to take it away from them" Her cheeks started to redden, and Emily took her palm to it.  
"It's okay, Ali" She said. Ali smiled thoughtfully and turned her head away.

"But with you" she continued as if nothing had happened "I remember that was the first meet where you beat the school record. I had never been so proud of somebody. Actually, I think that was the first time I had ever been proud of a person." Emily didn't really know what to reply to that, but she could picture the day as if it were just last week. Her dad had come home for the weekend, especially to see his Emmy swim, all her friends sat in the front row, but the only one she even focused on was Ali. Her presence made her heart beat so fast she thought she would've passed out before even stepping foot in the water. Looking back, she knew it was pathetic. But the little wink Ali gave her, blowing her kiss simultaneously, was what Emily thought of as she powered through the water.

"Mum and dad took us all for pizza after" she remembered fondly.

"I didn't know then" Ali said, continuing the small whirlpools, not able to look Emily in the eye. "I didn't know why I wasn't jealous. I didn't know why seeing you so happy made me happy aswell" Emily cleared her throat, not wanting to have this conversation when Ali wasn't ready.

"And here we are" She stated "10 years later in the same town with the same friends" Alison chuckled, pulling herself from the water. "I saved a seat for you" She stuttered, still knocking her legs back and forth in the water. "Every meet. We reserved a spot for you in the front row" Alison didn't say anything, instead drying her feet off and slipping her heels back on.

"I came to a few of them" she said bluntly. There was silence for a few minutes, neither of the girls knowing quite how to act. Alison walked forward, back towards the edge of the pool, stretching out a hand for Emily to pull herself up with. She did.

"Thanks" she smiled, their hands lingering on each others for a second too long. She sauntered over to her spot, grabbing a towel and rubbing it around her ankles as she climbed back into her DM's. As the silence between the two haunted them both, she decided to break it. "Why did you come, here, Ali?" She asked bluntly, turning around to face her with a crease between her brows.

"I told you" Alison said, a little taken aback at the change in tone "You weren't with me when I woke up, I had to check you were okay"

"So you came here before calling me? Or Hanna to see if I went home?" Ali nodded her head simply.

"Yes"

"I don't like leaving you alone" Emily admitted, tying her hair into a ponytail to give her hands something to do. "but I needed some space this morning"

"And I don't like you worrying about me so much" Alison counteracted "but I wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you're okay" Alison sighed and crossed her arms, looking Emily directly in the eye.

"I'm fine, Ali. I'm more concerned about you" Ali slightly rolled her eyes, uncrossing her arms and taking steps closer to Emily, holding her either side.

"Let's just agree that we're both as equally worried about each other" she teased, trying to lighten the mood. Emily laughed softly, and for a moment their eyes refused to leave each other, she could hardly blink. The moment was interrupted by Emily's phone bleeping, sounding louder than it usually did. "Em?" Alison jogged her when she didn't grab to answer it. "it's your mom" Emily cringed, rolling her head back before answering it.

"Mom? Are you okay?" She answered. There was inaudible words coming from the other end and Ali frowned when Emily turned her back to her. "I'll be there now" she ended the conversation.

"What's going on?" Ali asked carefully, not wanting to agitate Emily.

"I'm going for lunch with my mother" She said quietly.

"Okay" Alison replied, hiding her disappointment. "shall I see you at home? What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"What home, Ali?" Emily questioned, a knowing edge to her tone. At the look on Ali's face, she softened. "No. You're coming with me" Alison raised her eyebrow. "I can't face my mother alone" she laughed "you're like my personal calming drug" She shrugged, smiling with a little glint in her.

"Come on" Ali replied "can't keep Mrs. F waiting" Together they walked out, both still mighty confused- but undeniably happy to be with each other.

…...

"Unbelievable" Hanna snapped, slamming her thumb down on the little red circle for the 5th time.

"Did she come home last night?" Caleb offered "maybe she decided to stay the night at Alison's" Hanna shook her head dramatically.

"No, Caleb. She always phones when she sleeps at Ali's" Caleb frowned.

"I didn't realize those two had an 'always'" Hanna chuckled and threw her arms around his neck.

"I don't think _they_ even realise they have an always" She pointed out, bringing his lips to her as her lifted her up and put her onto the counter.

"Stop worrying so much." he whispered "she's a big girl" He leant down and kissed her fiercely, her legs wrapping around his waist, his hands trailing her arms, sending goose bumps up and down her spine. They were interrupted by the door bell echoing throughout the loft, and Caleb groaned as Hanna jumped down from the counter. He followed her, his hand placed suggestively on her bum.

"Down boy" she whispered, and he winked as she pulled open the front door. Hanna was happily surprised to find Ali standing behind.

"Hey, Han" She greeted her with a smile "Caleb" she smiled just as warmly.

"Ali! Hey, come in" Hanna invited her inside "is everything okay?" Ali frowned, looking around the loft.

"Is Em not here?" She asked a little bluntly. Hanna smirked at Caleb.

"Er no-no but we are. And Aria and Spence are coming over later" She offered.

"Sorry that was really rude" Ali said sheepishly "I didn't mean it to be. Me and Em made plans this afternoon- she told me to meet her here" Hanna pulled a face.

"She hasn't been home since last night. Have you not heard from her?" Alison's eyes widened with worry.

"No-no she didn't stay over last night." she fumbled in her bag, pulling out her phone to look for any missed calls. She had none "I had dinner with Spencer and then crashed. We went to lunch with her mom a few days ago but I haven't seen her since " She dialled Emily's number and frantically pulled the phone to her ear.

"I've tried" Hanna told her "like a bazillion times" Alison kept trying regardless.

 _Hey, it's Emily. You know what to do._

Ali didn't know why her mind was flooding with horrific images of Emily lying dead in a gutter. Emily passed out at bar somewhere in California. Emily asleep, surrounded by men she didn't want to be with. Emily asleep, surrounded by women that she did. Emily stolen by AD.

"I'll call Pam" Alison decided, hanging up the phone but turning the volume up to the maximum should she miss a call from Em.

"We aren't allowed to call Mrs. Fields Pam" Hanna said with a hauntingly disturbed quality to her tone "I got yelled at when I tried." Caleb chuckled and stroked her back, placing a tender kiss on her temple.

"Whatever, Han. Have you called her?"

"No. Ali, calm down. Give it a few more hours before we tell her mom. She's most likely fine" Alison humphed, chewing the inside of her cheek. She tucked down the skirt of her dress and flopped onto the sofa.

"Okay, but if we don't hear from her within an hour-" She began.

"Cross my heart, we'll bring out the whole of Rosewood until she's found" She jiggled her shoulders with a grin. "so... now you don't have lunch plans do you wanna stay with me, Spence and Aria?" Ali smiled acceptingly.

"Thanks, Han" There was a comfortable silence as Caleb got up from the couch, squeezing Hanna's thigh before he did so.

"I think I'm gonna check on Toby" he announced, sighing loudly. "I haven't heard from him in a couple of days" Hanna's face fell at the reminder of the tragic loss that Toby was going through, the atmosphere suddenly dropping a few degrees.

"Okay, yeah. I think that's a good idea" She said, standing up with him to let him out "text me when you get there?"

"Of course" He kissed her quickly "love you babe!" He called with a grin as he left.

"Wine?" Hanna asked Ali with a smirk. Her eyes widened with horror as she realised her mistake "shoot, sorry" Alison laughed softly, shaking her head.

"It's fine, Han" Hanna proceeded to (arguably a little insensitively) pour herself a glass of Merlot, bringing over a bag of chips for the girls to share. Alison nibbled at one, but ultimately it took her a least a few minutes to down. "You seem happy" She said, motioning to the door the Caleb had just walked out of. Hanna's face broke into a breathtaking smile, lighting up her eyes.

"We are" she assured Ali "I mean, don't get me wrong I hate that he hurt Spencer. I hate that _I_ hurt Spencer but-"

"you guys make way more sense than he and her ever did, Han. I think even Spence knows that" Hanna frowned a little nostalgically, taking a glug from her glass. "I miss that" Alison mused, the words slipping out of her mouth before she even realised she thought them,.

"Miss what?" Hanna questioned, moving closer to her friend. She shoved the bowl of chips in front of her, forcing her to eat it. Ali reluctantly took it, more so because it wasted time as she tried to think of an explanation for what she had just said than anything else. When she could no longer avoid Hanna's scrutinizing glare,she let up.

"Having someone" She said melancholic "Obviously, Elliot turned out to be a freak but for minute there I really thought- I don't know, I really thought that I was going to have my chance at a little bit of happiness" Hanna's face screwed up into a ball of disbelief. She was very close to rolling her eyes, but passed it off as a particularly aggressive blink.

"Sorry" she said, a little exasperated "I don't buy it" Ali squinted and tilted her head.

"I don't remember asking for you to buy it, Han" She shot, grabbing a handful of chips and putting them in her mouth simultaneously.

"Okay, first of all, ouch. And second of all, I thought we had already decided that you didn't love him. Him isn't even Elliot, why do you still call him that?" Ali raised her eyebrows and Hanna's lack of thought, but eventually smiled.

"I didn't. But I thought I did. And I know it's the not same but it was nice thinking that I had that great love, even if it was just for a few months." Hanna snorted, wine splashing over her mauve lipstick. Ali laughed heavily, grabbing napkins off the table to blot out the inevitable red wine stain that was going to be left on her white dress.

"What's so funny you were willing to ruin a 500 dollar dress for?" Alison teased as Hanna threw on one of Calebs jumpers to cover the stain.

"You _have_ a great love story" She pushed, taking another gulp of wine "you're just too stubborn to own it" Alison could feel her cheeks redden and she got up from the couch. Her heels echoed throughout the loft, and Hanna watched as she poured herself a glass of orange juice, actively avoiding any eye contact.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Alison rebuffed Hanna's advances, looking at the watch on her wrist for a little too long to be believable. "when are Spence and Aria getting here?" She asked, attempting to change the subject.  
"Sure you do" Hanna shrugged, following her to the kitchen and leaping on top of the counter. "I see the way you look at her when you think none of us are watching"

"Hanna, stay out of it" Alison growled, throwing her glass down on the counter. Hanna gasped.

"So you do know what I'm talking about!" Hanna yelled excitedly "she feels the same way, by the way. She always has." Ali sighed, leaning against the counter top. Her eyes dropped shut and she rubbed her temple. Softly, Hanna placed a hand on her back. "I'm only saying this because I care about you, Ali. I just want to see you happy"

"Now isn't the time for happiness" She said, motioning to her stomach. "I'm pregnant with her child, Hanna. Emily's _child_ "

"That doesn't change anything" Hanna fought back "it just makes a little harder"

"Exactly" Ali said, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to have to fight for our happiness. I want it to be natural." Hanna scoffed.  
"Don't feel sorry for yourself, Ali." she said a little harshly. When Alison raised her eyebrow, walking away from her again, Hanna softened her tone "Ali, you don't have to wait to be happy. If there's something, right now, that makes you smile, do it. You might not ever get the chance to again. God knows you deserve it" It was barely a whisper. Ali smiled softly.  
"I'm working on it Han, I promise" Before Hanna could come up with a retort, the door bell rang once again.

"That'll be Aria and Spence" Hanna said, jumping to open another bottle of wine "can you get it?" Ali nodded.

"Why are you ringing the doorbell?" She teased as she pulled open the heavy door. Only it wasn't Spencer or Aria. Or anybody she had even the smallest desire to see. It took a second for a her to readjust her face into one of less contempt.

"Paige" she acknowledged "what are you doing here?" Paige's eyes popped when she saw Ali, clearly not expecting the blonde to be there. She didn't say anything, but Ali followed her gaze which landed on a figure in the hallway.

"Em" Ali breathed a sigh of relief, running over to her and helping her up. She could barely stand on two feet, her eyes dropping and her ankles bending backwards. "Help me get her inside, will you?" Alison spat at Paige. She moved quickly, grabbing Emily by the waist as Ali supported her shoulders. Together, they laid her out on the sofa, Alison grabbing a nearby blanket and wrapping it around her so she could sleep.

"Is she drunk? Where has she been?" Paige looked utterly intimidated as Hanna stormed across from the kitchen to see what was going on. She had barely spoken two words since coming face to face with Alison.

"I don't know" Paige admitted quietly, siding eyeing both Hanna and Alison, her eyeballs flicking from one to the other, trying to gauge their reactions "she-she came to my apartment last night crying and she stayed over" Alison audibly gulped, but Paige didn't dare look her in the eye. "but when I woke up in the middle of the night to get water she was gone. She called me this morning drunk off her ass and I've been searching around town for the last three hours trying to find her"

Alison wanted to throw up.

"Where was she?" Hanna asked, seeing the disgust in Ali's eyes.

"Some rock by the lake. I found her bike and followed the tracks" Paige examined Alison's body language, noticing the twitch of her neck at the mention of this rock. "you know it?" She asked, directed at Alison. She smiled curtly.

"Yeah" Was all she said. There was an awkward silence as Hanna scuttled off to grab a bowl and a glass of water, while Alison knelt down to stroke the stray hair out of Emily's face. "thank you for bringing her" she swallowed her anger, grateful that Paige was there for her, yet still not quite able to turn her gaze away from Em.  
"Of course" she said. "Let me know if she needs anything" She offered kindly.

"I think I've got it from here" Alison subtly warned her "she's got everything she's going to need" Paige smiled awkwardly, turning for the front door.

"It was a pleasure as always, Alison" She said as she yanked it open "Tell Emily I had fun last night" And with that she was gone. Alison flushed crimson with anger, grabbing a plastic bottle from the bin and lobbing at the the door that just slammed shut.

"What a conniving little bitch" She hissed "I swear to God, I don't know who the hell she thinks she is, strutting around thinking she's the greatest thing to happen to Emily since-"

"Alison" Hanna eased her, walking over to her and bringing her into a hug "calm down" Ali seemed to let go as Hanna held her. Then she remembered.

"They had sex" She stated "they actually had sex. So much for telling me she feels the same way, Hanna" She said in hushed tones, careful not to wake up the sleeping girl behind her.

"Who had sex?" Alison flashed around to find Aria and Spencer opening the door, one with a cheesecake and the other a bottle of champagne. Alison rolled her eyes..

"brilliant" She muttered. Hanna welcomed them inside, grabbing glasses.  
"You don't _know_ that, Ali" she insisted "Paige has always enjoyed stirring the pot between you two"

"Why do you care if they slept together?" Spencer enquired. Sometimes Alison forgot not everybody felt the same tension between her and Emily as she did when they were together.

"I don't" she lied "but we all know Em's preferred coping technique, I don't want her to drown her problems by throwing herself into bed with the first lesbian she finds" Hanna sauntered over with glasses of champagne, handing one to Ali. When she declined, she shook her head "come on, you're allowed a glass a week aren't you?" Ali swallowed hard and look to Spencer for reassurance that this was, in fact, the case.

"Yeah, you are" She promised her with a comforting squeeze of her hand. So Ali reluctantly took a glass from Hanna. Tentatively, she took a few small sips, enjoying the the rush of the bubbles raising to the top her mouth, and delicately falling down her throat, numbing it for a second and leaving behind a cool, crisp, smooth feeling that was like nothing else.

"Should we do something?" Aria murmured, pointing to Emily who was still out cold on the sofa. "I feel like we should be doing something" Hanna shrugged her shoulders.

"We could wake her up" She suggested "get her into the shower, sober her up"

"No" Alison shut it off "just leave her" She looked at Hanna and Hanna knew immediately what Alison was thinking. Truthfully, she didn't want to admit that while Emily was still sleeping she couldn't be mad at her. The problem would start the second she woke up. For a while the 4 girls sat around the table, laughing and drinking; Alison seemed to be the only one that was obsessing over their 5th member who still lay motionless on the sofa.

"She should've phoned us" Ali said, unintentionally, out loud, interrupting whatever the girls were talking about,

"Who should've phoned us, Ali?" Aria asked, her face dripping with concern.  
"Paige" Ali said it like a curse word. Hanna wanted to throw her cheesecake at Alison's face. She refrained. What had happened to subtly?

"I deleted her number when she broke Emily's heart the first time" Hanna said "I'm sure she did the same. Stop worrying, Ali." Spencer looked quickly between the two of them, examining Hanna's shuffle and Alison's hard stare. She said nothing, but took a mental note of the exchange. The hours stretched on and still Emily slept, knee high boots still plastered on. Ali sat at her side, ensuring she was safe.

"Ali?" Spence came up behind, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Alison jumped, a knee-jerk reaction. When she saw it was just Spence she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sorry" she apologised with a weak smile. "are you okay?" Spencer smiled and sat down next to Ali, watching Emily with a sad smile.

"I think we're going to go over to the barn if you want to join us" Spencer offered "Hanna's desperate to play some Wii game that Caleb left over there" Ali didn't even need to think about it.

"I think someone should stay with her" Alison said, her gaze lingering on Emily, placing a light hand on her shoulder. Her and Spencer exchanged a look for a moment, and for a second she was scared that Spencer had figured it out; she supposed it was only a matter of time.

"Okay, yeah I think that's a good idea. Do you want me to stay with you?" She offered.  
"No- honestly, go get drunk and play videos. I'm just gonna bring her up to bed and the crash anyway" She chuckled, leaning her head on Spencer's shoulder.

"Are we going?" Aria called as she skipped over to the pair "I want to get drunk"

"I completely agree" Hanna chimed in, already wrapped in a cashmere throw, her leather boots on and bag in hand.

"Are you sure?" Spencer said, talking to Ali.

"Yeah, sweetie. She needs someone right now" Spencer stood up, and in act out of character placed a small kiss on Ali's cheek, grasping her hand and squeezing.

"Call me if you need anything. I'm staying sober" Ali laughed loudly.

"I'll believe that when I see it"

"We'll see you tomorrow?" Hanna reassured herself, hugging Alison tightly "come to the barn. We're staying there all day"

"We are?" Spencer questioned.  
"Yeah, Spence. I'm not going to want to move from my bed"

"I'll bring breakfast" Ali agreed. With a tight hug from Aria, she waved the three of them out the door. She smiled to herself, grabbing a magazine off the coffee table and resuming her place at Emily's side, clearing her throat when the room became too quiet. Emily's constant but heavy breathing and the flicks of paper as Ali turned the page of whatever dross fashion magazine Hanna had picked out that day were the only sounds. It was peaceful. Alison let her gaze linger for a moment on Emily's sleeping form. Though her hair was unwashed and her make up smudged, Ali still thought she was one of the most beautiful girls she knew. It was difficult to remember that she was angry at her when she looked so childlike, so vulnerable. She rolled over to face Ali, that first time she had moved since they had been left alone. Ali always loved how much softer she looked in her sleep, not that she was usually harsh but the worries that plagued their lives just seemed to slip away when she was sleeping. She wanted nothing more than to curl up next to her.

But everything was different now

Emily didn't want her like that any more, she had taken too long deciding.

"If you keep watching me sleep I'm going to go home" Emily mumbled, clawing her eyes open and yawning. Alison jumped, dropping the magazine she wasn't really reading in surprise. Emily smirked teasingly when she saw what had happened, and Ali couldn't help but laugh.

And then she remembered. And her laugh vanished. Emily made movements to get up, but as she flung her legs off the sofa and stood up, she toppled right back down again.

"You are home, Em" Ali shot back.

"Oh god" she said, holding a hand to her forehead and curling herself back inside the blanket. "what the hell happened?" Her head poked out from the amass of fluff she was protecting herself with. Ali wasn't too sure how to approach it.

"You don't remember?" She said trying to hold the in the wobbles of her voice "you decided to go and get really drunk after spending the night at Paige's" She dropped it in, attempting to be casual, but turned away to make herself a cup of tea to give her hands something to do. Emily's face dropped.

"Ali, I-" She began.

"Here" Alison said, cutting her off "drink." She handed her a glass of iced water, and Emily took it, not letting their eye contact break.

"Alison" She said, and Ali was taken aback at the use of her full name; it was a rare occurrence to hear it from Emily's mouth. "Talk to me"

"About what, Em? About how the first person you think to call when you're upset is _Paige_? About how you ended up having sex with her last night? About how you chose-"

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Alison's mouth flopped shut.

"Paige found you this morning passed out by the kissing rock. She said you stayed the night" Alison blushed against her better judgement, internally hating how insecure this was making her feel.

"And from that you assumed we had sex?" Emily's voice was growing in volume "I needed a friend, Ali. I needed someone's shoulder to cry on and that's all it was. I can't talk to you about this because it's you whose pregnant, and I want to be there for you. Hanna's too concerned about why she has to have another turn at the game to listen to anything we need, Aria is wrapped up with this whole Nicole business which, frankly, none of us give a damn about because we all know they're going to end up happy eventually, and Spencer has just found out her entire life is a lie while simultaneously being shot in the chest. So, yes, I'm sorry that I found a friend in Paige last night. But don't you dare make assumptions about who I have and have not had sex with." Emily seemed shocked at her own anger, her heart was thumping loudly in her chest, her head pounding faster than it was before.

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry I shouldn't have made the jump" Ali conceded "but you could've come to me, Em. I thought that was our whole...thing. We're there for each other no matter what" Ali moved closer to her, sitting next to her on the sofa. Emily steadied her breath, closed her eyes for a moment and calming herself.

"I was scared" she admitted "because I don't know what to do, Ali. I don't understand how this happened and I don't understand why. And if I'm scared? That's nothing to what you must be feeling and I didn't want to make that worse" Ali felt the sting of tears rise to her eyes, and hastily pushed them back.

"We're in this together, Em." was all she said. For a while there was silence. "Why did Paige seem so worried about you?" She knew it was risky, diverting back to the Paige topic; but she had to know. She just couldn't express why she had to know. Emily rolled her eyes. "Did anything happen between the two of you?" Emily sighed, looking at anything except Alison.

"Yes" she muttered. Ali felt her heart sink to her stomach. "But we didn't sleep together. It wasn't even last night" Alison said nothing, waiting for her to continue. "It was a kiss. That's all."

"Okay" Alison sighed. She looked for more words, words that would express something, _anything_ , meaningful and helpful, but there was nothing. They were trapped circling her brain, abusing her insides, lurking in the shadows "okay." she repeated.

"That's it?" Emily questioned "you were ready to slap me when you thought I slept with her" she frowned sceptically.

"Right" Ali agreed. She threw herself back against the back of the couch, hers and Emily's legs slightly touching now. "I want to scream at you. I want to throw something at you. But I have no reason to. I have no reason to feel cheated on because we aren't together. So this is my problem. I just want you to be happy" Emily gulped, fighting through her hangover to sit up straight, taking Alison's hand in her own.  
"It was a slip" she said quietly "I wanted to go back to how it was before. I wanted to go back to Cali, I wanted to go back to a life without AD" She looked down at the ground, her hand still clasping Ali's in an apologetic but comforting embrace.

"You'd still have that if I hadn't dragged you here" Ali whispered, not having the strength to look at Emily. "this is whole thing is my fault" Emily titled her head, moving her hand to the soft corners of Ali's jaw, turning her head, forcing her to look at her. She looked into her eyes for a second and saw something so raw, so honest and heartbreaking that she wanted to collapse into the girls embrace there and then. Because she truly believed this. She could see in the deep cracks, the damaged boundaries of her eyes that Alison really believed this whole thing was her fault. And the thought shattered Emily's heart.  
"Don't" Emily said the word, her voice breaking "ever say that again" A small, perfect tear drop fell from Alison's eye, alone, but pure. Intense.

"I just want you to be happy, Em" she said "and if Paige makes you happy then I'm not going to make you feel guilty about being with her"

"Paige made me happy" Emily corrected her "and I don't want to lie to you Ali, Paige represents everything I had in college. She represents my safe place to land" There was a silence as Ali processed everything she was hearing, more tears falling from her eyes. She hurriedly pushed them away, squandering whatever she was feeling.

"Then be with her!" Alison yelled abruptly "if you want something safe and boring then save us the drama and be with her." She moved away from Emily, standing tall in front of her.

"God, Ali why do you never listen? Why do we always have to turn this into something that it's not?" Emily had all but forgotten about her hangover as she stood up next to Alison, becoming angrier at Alison's stubbornness.  
"Em, you kissed her," Alison thought she was winning; it was her turn to make Emily admit she was wrong.

"Oh so _you're_ allowed to get _married_ , but I'm not allowed to kiss someone?" Alison rolled her eyes, walking away from Emily with her arms crossed.

"That's different" She muttered "she's not just someone. And Elliot was me trying to prove something to myself" She regretted saying the words the minute they slipped out, but Emily raised an eyebrow, rocking her hips.

"Trying to prove what, Alison?" Ali didn't reply, instead choosing to wander over to the window, turning her back to Emily.

"I think I should go" She said weakly, grabbing her purse "I only stayed to make sure you were okay." And so she hurried across to the door, yanking it open and running out before Emily could even try to stop her.

"Oh sure Ali run away. We all know how much you love running away" she muttered to herself, throwing a cushion at the door the blonde had just vanished through, and dragging herself upstairs to bed.

…...

 **Thanks for reading! Please leave a review, they're going to keep me motivated to keep writing. I'll update ASAP xx**


	2. Surprise and Goodbyes

**Thank you for all the support for the last chapter! I hope you enjoy this one! Also, if there's any particular scene that you want to see between any of the the character then I am completely opened to suggestion and may include it in the story if I feel up to the challenge, so just sent a request in a review or DM me and I'll see what I can do!**

Emily had never been more relieved for it to be a Sunday. As she heaved herself out of bed the following morning, a craze of black dots blurred her vision, and her heart felt like it was being clamped down to her chest with no room to beat, though she suspected the latter didn't have much to with the alcohol she had guzzled the previous afternoon. Instinctively, she reached for her cell that sat on her bedside table. It was just coming up for midday. She had multiple texts from Hanna, all demanding she get over to the barn with doughnuts and coffee, but nothing from the only person she wanted- needed- to talk to. She rubbed her eyes, still feeling clumpy mascara and cracking foundation, trying to eradicate her pounding headache. It achieved nothing. Wandering over to the bathroom, she couldn't help but grimace at her own appearance; shabby, exhausted and unkempt. Water ran smoothly, welcomingly, into the sink and she delicately immersed herself in it, the warmth comforting on her worn out skin. She stood for a while, the ghosts of the previous day swirling down the drain along with the gentle cleanser she prayed would revitalize her face before seeing the other girls. It was strange, she thought, to have the apartment to herself. Usually either Hanna or Caleb or both were here, cooking, arguing, kissing or just generally making too much noise for a Sunday morning. A long sigh escaped from her, trying to unclench her chest, and de-cloud her mind, releasing all negative vibes. It worked a little. Her phone buzzed again, and she grabbed it before letting it go to voicemail.

"Spence? Is everything okay?" She asked, concerned as Spencer said very little.

"How are you? Are you coming over?" She sounded panicked. "you seemed in a rough state yesterday"

"Yeah, sorry about that" Emily muttered, feeling her cheeks blushing though no one was even with her "I'm fine. I'm just gonna chuck some clothes on but I'll ride over soon"

"Okay. Talk when you're here?" Em sighed, running upstairs to her closet and grabbing the first jumper she found and a pair of sports leggings.  
"Spencer, I'm fine" Spencer didn't say anything, but Emily could practically hear her squinting sceptically through the phone.

"Hanna says remember to the doughnuts" Was all she replied. Emily chuckled, promising to fulfill the order at the brew before she turned up. She threw on her jumper and leggings, neglecting to bother applying any make up, and whipped her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. It only took 20 minutes or so to get breakfast and arrive at the barn, and when she did she was pulled into a ferocious, almost painful, hug from Spencer before she had even stepped inside.

"Why won't you believe me when I say I'm okay?" She laughed as Hanna ran over to her, pulled her in for a quick hug and grab the doughnuts, chocolate twists and coffee out of her hands.

"Em you've gotta stop saving my life like this" She said, eating almost an entire doughnut in one bite.

"Because you were passed out on a sofa all of yesterday" Spencer counteracted.

"Yeah, and I'm not now." Emily said definitively. Spencer took the hint, opening her mouth and closing it again when she realised she was pushing it.

"Hey, Aria did you ever hear back from-" Alison walked into the room from the bathroom, cutting short whatever she was saying to look at Emily, stood centre of the room. They made eye contact, and Emily prayed she was the only one who could feel the electricity pulsating around them. Ali smiled softly.

"Hey, Em" She said

"Hey" Emily replied "I didn't know you'd be here"

"Me neither" She looked down at the floor "you feeling okay?" She asked, trying to inject some feeling into her voice.

"Yeah" Emily smiled "coffee?" She asked, handing her a paper cup. Ali shook her head, walking nearer to the group of girls huddled around the sofa.

"I'm good, thanks" Her voice wobbled a little, but Emily questioned whether only she noticed it, because the other three seemed completely unaware. Emily broke eye contact with Ali, choosing to slump herself next to Hanna on the sofa, taking a bit out of the blondes 3rd chocolate twist.

"Is there a reason I'm out of bed at 11:00 on a Sunday morning then, Spence? Or was this just for kicks?" Emily asked, trying to keep her voice steady, not wanting to her insecurity to take over.

"Yeah" Hanna said "to bring us food" She winked while taking another bite, and Emily nudged her, causing her to drop the sugary mass of bread and jam to the floor.

"Em!" She yelled, causing everyone to laugh at her expense. She huffed, picking it up and blowing the dust off. When she was met with 4 sets of quietly disgusted eyes, she shrugged "what? Five second rule"

"Sure, Han" Aria said with a frown. As Hanna, Spencer, and Aria all sat around smiling and laughing, Emily couldn't help but notice Alison walk around to the back of the barn, her face crumpled into one of anguish. She looked tired, wearing grey sweatpants and a light pink tank top, her hair in a high pony. It appeared as if she hadn't slept well, the dark circles under her eyes growing day by day.

"Ali?" Em called, jumping up from the sofa to follow "what is it?" But Ali didn't have a chance to warn her as she turned the corner and the board sat there, as if it had been there the entire time, leering at the pair of them, daring them to touch it but both too frightened to.

"I don't know when it got here" Alison whispered "when I arrived last night Hanna and Aria were asleep and Spence was watching a movie. It wasn't here" Her hand tentatively reached out and touched the side, as if she were praying it were a hallucination, a bad dream. Emily could see the doubt in her eyes growing wider, the fear growing deeper and the anger rising.

"Have you been home since yesterday?" She asked, copying Ali's movement by placing her hand on it, feeling a buzz as she did so. Alison just shook her head, her eyes now creasing with curiosity.

"Guys" she called "it's back" Aria flipped her neck around, and they all scrambled from their positions to pull up next to the two girls and the sinister board game.

"this is evil" Hanna said "now AD is just moving it wherever we go? Are we not gonna have any safe places to land?" She fumed, throwing herself on top of the kitchen counter.  
"This is brilliant" Spencer counteracted "we're never going to get away from it. Oh God. He's genius"

"Okay, Spence let's try and keep it PG" Aria teased, trying to lighten the mood. "Does this mean it's someone else's turn?" She said the words and at the same second the board started whirring, like the tiny clogs of it's brain were stirring, awakening. Ready for the next victim.

"Surely it's Aria's turn" Hanna protested "she's the only one that hasn't been yet" The photos on the phone flipped back and forward once again, skipping past Aria's photo at least three times before it landed on-

"No" Emily said defiantly "absolutely not" She crossed her arms, and Alison moved towards her, placing a comforting hand on her back.

"Em" she said, after having received this horrendous slap in the face the pair had seemingly all but forgotten their fight the previous evening "it's only fair"

"No, Ali! You're not doing this."

"She has to!" Hanna yelled "the game gets what the game wants, Emily." Hanna's chest began to redden, her face softening when saw Alison's face; fearful , but determined.

"She's right, Em" Ali agreed as delicately as she could "I have to do what it wants" Emily frowned, closing her eyes and sighing loudly.

"Then I'll do it for you" she suggested , her voice breaking "you aren't putting yourself in danger, not when you're pregnant, Ali. I don't care what the stupid game says"

"Em, you know it won't work like that" Spencer interjected "you'll most likely just end up getting more hurt than if you just let her play" her voice was the only calm one, as if she had moved straight past anger and right to planning how to get themselves out of this mess.

"And what if she gets hurt? And something happens to the-" she choked on her words for only a second "to the baby" For a while no one said anything, because what was there to say? Nobody could promise Alison that she wouldn't be hurt. Nobody could convince Emily that this was going to be okay. The silence was interrupted by 5 piercing bleeps of their phones, and everyone looked down, knowing exactly who it was.

" _Don't worry, bitches"_ Aria began

" _I'll try not to let the pregnant lady fall."_ Spencer read

" _But If she doesn't play_ " Alison continued,her voice surprisingly steady

" _I'll take Hanna's mom away_ " Hanna said so quietly Emily had to read it again for clarity

" _-A.D_ " Em finished. The girls all stared at each other, Hanna holding back furious tears.

"Well, I guess that's decided then" Ali said, her voice clear "I'll do my bit."

"I'm glad we all agree" Hanna said with a smile "I'm sorry, Ali." She said, thought her voice stank of relief more than regret.  
"Ali, no" Em said firmly "I don't care what AD says. You are not playing this twisted game. We don't know what it is and you could get hurt"

"My moms _life_ trumps the possibility of Ali getting a cut, Emily" Emily rolled her eyes as Hanna used her own words against her.

"Please, AD isn't going to kill your mother, Hanna. He's playing us"

"I don't care!" Hanna practically screamed "Do you think I'm willing to take the risk? AD shot Spencer, and knocked Ali up with your stolen eggs! AD locked me in an abandoned building and almost electrocuted me to death! Whose to say he's going to stop at spiking my moms cosmo?! "

"Hanna, calm down" Spencer implored, it was very rare that Hanna were to discuss what happened when AD held her hostage "we're not going to let anything happen to your mom. Right now, we just need to think" Hanna raised her eyebrow and sat back down, throwing an apologetic glance in Em and Ali's direction. "Can you call Caleb? Get him to invite your mom out for lunch" She suggested. Hanna frowned and then, realizing it was a sensible idea, picked up her phone and jabbed her finger at the screen until she was calling him.

"Ali, are you okay?" Spencer turned to Ali who had said very little. Emily stood defensively behind her, a hand resting on her shoulder. "Emily, stay with her" Emily squinted, as if if would be ridiculous to think she would do anything else. "I mean go with to do whatever AD wants her to do. Don't leave her side, and have 911 ready on your cell"  
"Obviously" Emily said a little spitefully.

"Em" Ali cautioned, turning to face her "it's going to be fine. I promise. I think the game is about emotional rather than physical torture" Emily didn't say anything, put squeezed Ali's shoulder gently under the guise of comforting the blonde but, if she were being honest, just trying to comfort herself. The group stood around, nobody saying anything. Everybody too fearful of pushing either Emily or Hanna back into their fits of rage. Emily didn't move from Alison's side, neither one relinquishing contact of the other.

"What now?" Aria broke the deadly silence.

"We wait" Spencer finished "until AD is ready to play." She stood over the board game, the only one still examining it. Everybody else had given up trying to look for clues.

"Well"Ali cleared her throat "there's no point sitting around waiting for instructions. How about we pass the time with a movie?" She directed it to the whole group, but was already stood up, Emily following closely behind her, before anybody had a chance to answer. Aria and Hanna remained, neither knowing what to say and both looking the other in the eye.

"who knew that AD could even ruin a hungover Sunday watching movies" Hanna said with a dark, humorous tone to her voice.

"This isn't about you, Hanna" Aria cut her off. Hanna scoffed.

"Clearly, it's not about you either. Here I am just having had my round two and Alison taking another, and you haven't even had your beginners luck yet" Aria sighed and rocked on her leg, shying away from Hanna's glare- a glare that Alison would be proud of.

"Like I have a say in what AD does?" Aria spat back.

"Whatever" Hanna jumped down from the counter and joined the other girls, leaving Aria alone in the kitchen.

…...

The hours dragged , and Alison could feel a storm brewing outside. Hanna had fallen asleep under a blanket, Spencer sat crossed legged next to her, protectively watching over her, and Aria was cooking dinner for them all in the kitchen. Emily was lied out across the sofa, her head in Alison's lap and her feet dangling at the end of the sofa. It was a quiet but remarkably comfortable atmosphere, considering the circumstances. Emily moved suddenly, clearing having an unsettling dream, making Alison spill her tea over herself.

"Shoot" she muttered, licking it off her thumb "Spence, pass me a cloth, would you?" She carefully reached over, not wanting to wake Emily up from her sleep. She must be exhausted, Alison thought. She dabbed at the stain on her top, her jogging movements surprisingly not waking up the sleeping girl on her lap. Spencer looked at her delicate motions, but didn't comment.

"We could wake them up and put them in the bedroom, if you want" Spencer offered.

"No!" Aria called "dinner will be ready in 10 minutes nobody is going to be sleeping for much longer"

"I don't know why you're bothering" Spencer called back through a yawn "I could've ordered us take out"

"You're welcome" Aria muttered scathingly into a steaming pot of some kind of pasta "I just thought it would be nice to do something nice" She looked at Spencer for reassurance and smiled warmly. Spencer plastered one onto her face and reciprocated the gesture.

"Come on, Han" Spence jiggled her until she moaned heavily and stretched out, almost toppling off the couch. "Food's ready in 10" Hanna's eyes lit up.

"You should've woken me up earlier. I'm going to go and wash my hands" She jumped up from the sofa, her energy increasing dramatically.  
"Okay. Aria you need a hand?" Spencer asked, already walking over to the kitchen before Aria could either decline or accept. Ali looked down and Emily. She graciously moved her into an upwards position, hoping that would be enough to wake her up. It wasn't.

"Em" She said, nudging her a little. "Emily!" She said one more time, lightly whacking a pillow into her side. Emily jerked awake with a crease in between her eyebrow, trying to find the culprit of who disturbed her sleep.

"What?" She snapped

"Sorry sleeping beauty" Ali teased "dinner's ready"

"You mean actual food? On a plate? Not from a box?" Ali smiled.

"Yes, an actual hot meal"

"This must be a dream" She joked, ridding herself of the blanket that she had somehow found herself under. "Smells good" she murmured, floating over to the dinner table, Ali following closely behind her.

"Did you hear back from Caleb, Han?" Aria asked as she lay out the dishes in front of each of the seats. Hanna yawned, laying a napkin on her lap.

"Yeah. He took my mum shopping under the pretence that he wanted to get me a new dress. They've been together all day" Aria seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Still nothing, Ali?" Spence asked, as dinner was finally served and each girl took a loving bite. Ali just shook her head. The group were cautiously optimistic as they tucked in, laughing and sharing stories as they enjoyed dinner, an event they rarely took part in. That's why it was so ironic, or perhaps not, when it was abruptly broken by a sharp ping of Alison's phone. To add to the beautifully bleak scene, that was the moment the rain started to hammer on the roof.

"Is it-?" Hanna asked.

"Yes" She replied sharply. From the seat next to her, Emily took her hand in hers, softly stroking circles on the back.

"Do you want me to open it?" She offered. Ali shook her head, tapping the message notification.

"It's an email" She informed them dryly.

"Saying?" Emily tried to remain calm but her voice was peppered with worry.

" _Ms Dilaurentis_ " Ali began " _This is an email confirmation of your sonogram appointment, Scheduled for Wednesday at 9:00. Please call with any enquiries or for a cancellation. Regards, Women's Wellness Centre"_ When she had finished reading she took a huge gulp of water, swallowing loudly, trying to cover the sick feeling in her stomach.

"I didn't know you had decided-" Hanna began, but Emily shot her a warning look.

"I didn't" Ali filled in the blanks of Hanna's question and practically growled her answer.

" _Happy 12 weeks! Make sure you take your special friend with you, mommy, or you'll be looking for a brand new hand to hold- AD"_ Ali read out the text that came with the email, but it was barely a whisper. Emily tried to console her, but she could find no words. "I told you" Ali said, a twinge of dark humour to her tone "AD made this game only to dabble in destroying us emotionally, not physically"

"This doesn't make any sense" Spencer said, taking a sip of wine as her face fell into concentration.

"Nothing AD does makes sense, Spencer" Hanna said dully. Ali said nothing response, instead dragging her chair across the floor and walking away from the table. Emily immediately rushed to follow her, but Spencer stopped her.

"Why don't you let me take this one, Em?" She asked. When Emily looked at her quizzically, she continued "I think she needs someone whose got a little more neutrality to the situation"

"Like Sweden?" Hanna pondered, pouring herself another glass.

"Switzerland" Spencer corrected "but yes. Like that" When the door to the barn opened and then closed again, Spencer ignored Hanna and rushed to follow.

"Her hair is going to get wet" Hanna pointed out as Aria began to clear the plates. Emily rolled her eyes, fighting against every instinct that told her to follow Ali and make sure she was okay.

"Leave it, Em" Aria said side-eyeing her "Spencer's right. She needs some perspective" Emily bit the inside of her cheek, and after a little deliberating decided to take the advice. There was silence for a long time, the only sound was the rain hammering against the roof.

…...

It took Spencer about 30 seconds to catch up to Ali, who was already sodden through, her ankles splattered with mud. Spencer could tell she was crying, her eyes were littered with deep red cracks, interrupting the beautifully pale blue that usually graced them. Spencer instinctively knew they were more from anger than sadness. The tension she held in her shoulders, her breaths coming often and harshly, and the frequent turning of her head, as if looking for something or someone that was never coming, told Spencer the girl was having a full blown anxiety attack.

"Ali, calm down" Spencer walked towards her and Ali looked confused but also relieved to see her there. She reached out for her and fell into her embrace. "Come on. Let's get you home" Ali clung to her arm as Spencer all but dragged her across the garden and the pathway that connected their two houses, leading her indoors. Alison fell into the plush velvet armchair by the fireplace, and Spencer wrapped a blanket around her, before putting the kettle on and lighting the fire, the soft crackle warming the house, helping them drown out the storm that raged on outside. After a few moments passed while she made them both cups of tea, Ali looked up at her- finally having calmed herself down enough to verbalize any kind of feeling.

"Thank you" was how she started, looking at Spencer who sat across from her, a genuine smile growing on her face.

"I know how it feels, Alison" Spencer dived straight in, because she didn't just want to be there to make the cups of teas. She wanted to make a difference. Ali couldn't help but let her doubtfulness shine through as she said

"You do?" Spencer nodded reluctantly.

"Not exactly the same, of course" she began "but I know what's it like to think about. It's the reason me and Toby broke up" She said it before she realised that she was thinking it, before she realised that she had never actually verbalized that out loud, to herself or to any of her friends. Ali's mouth dropped open a little in surprise, but she quickly snapped it shut. "The thought of having to destroy something so pure wasn't an easy decision for me, Ali. It was probably one of the hardest in my life. We argued and one thing led to another and we weren't- we weren't 'we' any more" Spencer didn't enjoy reliving this part of her life but she thought right now it could be the only thing of comfort.

"It wasn't that hard" Ali disagreed "when I thought it was mine and Archer's. I made the decision days ago. I thought I would be doing the world a favour, having a child that was half manipulative, ignorant bully and half a sadistic, evil conman may not have been the nicest combination" Ali laughed a laugh bereft of humour, her eyes focusing in on the flaming fire in front of her, watching as the colours of orange, gold, yellow and figments of blue morphed into one.

"Ali-" Spencer began

"But it's different now" She continued as if she couldn't hear Spencer, as if she weren't even in the room at all "because it's half _Emily._ The most loyal, caring, beautiful, generous and kind person to ever walk this Earth. Any kid would be lucky to have even and 1/8th of her DNA."

"It's not" Spencer said softly "It's not- different, Ali. This child is a product of medical rape. You can't even remember clearly when it was created. You were violated and-and manipulated and held against your will. Everybody, especially Emily, would understand you terminating this pregnancy" Ali sighed, placing the tea on the table in front of her and closing her eyes, her head leaning back against the back of the chair.

"What was it?" She muttered to herself "'you come out of a hateful act, but that does not mean you are hateful'" She quoted the letter Spencer had received from her mother, written so many years ago. Spencer gulped.

"Mary wrote that to me" She said almost inaudibly. Ali smiled comfortingly.

"I know, Spence." There was another stretch of silence.

"You really love her, don't you?" Spencer mused, taking a sip of her tea. Alison froze for a moment "your friendship is one of the most beautiful things I've seen" She let out a sigh of relief.

"She's very important to me" Ali mused "maybe the most important thing" For a second Spencer's eyes flashed with understanding, but if she recognised anything she didn't bring it up.

"You are to her, too" Spencer reassured her "and I do understand where your coming from Ali, I really do. Anybody would find it hard aborting their own child, yet alone their best friends. But Emily only wants what's best for you. All she wants is for you to be happy, and the rest will fall into place." Ali smiled again, reflecting on... well just about everything that had led her to this point.

"How did I end up with such a wonderful friends?" She pondered, holding Spencer's hand.

"I think it probably started when you moved in next door" Spencer joked. But Ali didn't laugh.

"I think it probably started when your dad had an affair with my aunt" For a second Spencer was taken aback, releasing Ali's hand and falling back into the chair.

"That could be a factor, I'm sure" It was strange, Spencer thought, in the weeks that followed the revelation of her parentage neither her nor Ali had truly acknowledged what it had meant for their relationship. Neither had said out loud that they were cousins. They had both just sat back and crossed their fingers that it wouldn't change anything. Thankfully, up until this point, it hadn't.

"I think I always knew you were something different, Spence. I just didn't know why" Spencer chuckled nostalgically.

"If anyone was something different, Ali, it was you." Ali smirked, finishing her cup of tea and curling closer to the fire. "I've got Jason as both a brother and a cousin, now" Ali laughed loudly for the first time all night

"Lucky you!" She teased. It was quiet for a minute while both processed the long-over due conversation that was finally happening "you know, technically, we aren't just cousins" Ali pointed out.

"Right" the brunette agreed "because of the way twin DNA works we're actually half-sisters." Ali grimaced.

"I've never heard that said out loud. Shall we just stick to cousins for now?" She tried to keep it light-hearted; but the truth was this conversation terrified her.

"Sounds good to me" Spencer agreed with an equally fearful smile.

"I think if we're going to try and solve the mystery of our family trees I'm going to need something a lot stronger than tea" Ali said, whipping the blanket off herself and moving next to Spencer. The latter wrapped her arm around Alison's shoulder, pulling her closer. She lightly kissed the top of her head.  
" n that case we should probably wait until you're allowed to drink again" Spencer said a little awkwardly. "Whatever you decide, Ali, make sure it's what you want. Not what AD is trying to brainwash you into thinking you want" Ali murmured agreement, not wanting to engage in the conversation any longer.

"Love you" She whispered as she began to fall asleep drowsily into Spencer's embrace. Spencer squeezed her tightly, and a small tear escaped her eyes, falling down onto the top of Alison's roots.

"Love you" she pushed out. It was barely a mumble, but Ali heard it and smiled to herself as she let her eyes droop shut.

…...

Over the following days all Ali could think about was her sonogram appointment and how painful it was going to be for both her and Emily to see their child in the flesh; possibly something that was going to change everything. She was in the middle of her last period class, listening to Oscar Hart butcher A Midsummer Nights Dream in his monotonous, robotic tone that, had she not been so wrapped up in her own thoughts, would've sent her right to sleep, when the class was interrupted by a timid knock on the glass of the door.  
"Hey it's coach Fields!" One of the boys, Lewis Cole, called out- causing everyone's heads to flip around with smiles as they saw their favourite teacher.  
"Hey guys" She called out "sorry to interrupt, Ali. Er- Ms Dilaurentis, but I need to talk to Mr. Danes about his absence last week and he seems to be avoiding me" Ali chuckled knowingly, and stretched her hand.

"Of course, Coach, we were just about done here anyway" Alison smiled charmingly, dismissing her class a few minutes early.

"Have fun, Ms D!" One girl, Isabella, yelled out as she walked through the door "maybe coach will let you come and watch her swim" She was out the door before Ali could reprimand her, so instead she just blushed profusely as the remaining students giggled, sending her pointed looks. She chuckled with them. When the classroom was empty, Emily in the middle of another rant to a missing team member, Ali took a moment to sit down. Watching her handle him, calmly but assured of herself, was comfortably reassuring to the blonde.

"Alright, Coach I'll see you next week" He muttered, picking his bag off the floor and all but running out of the classroom before Emily could change her mind about letting him off with an apology and a warning. "Bye, Ms D" he said, letting the door slam shut behind him. Emily sighed, walking over to Ali's desk and sitting on the big red spinny chair that lived behind it. Her head flopped into her hands, and she didn't move for a while.

"You okay, Em?" Ali asked, arranging some papers on her desk. Emily sat up with a smile.

"Never better. Listen, I've got to get to practise but do you want to meet for lunch?" She asked apologetically. "I feel like I haven't seen you in days"

"Yeah, I'd love to. Meet in the courtyard?" Emily smiled happily

"I'll see you there at 1" She said, quickly jumping up from her seat and rushing so she wasn't late for practise. Ali exhaled deeply, returning to the ever-growing pile of papers she had to grade, the thought of having to read and review every single one was almost enough to drive her insane.

Emily didn't know why but she felt particularly tense that day, her mind having trouble focusing on any of the kids breast strokes or what number repetition they were on. All she wanted was to indulge herself in huge slice of peperoni pizza and curl up on her couch watching Disney movies.

"Coach you still with us?" One of the girls, Lana, was pulling herself out of the pool and removing her goggles. "it's lunch. Can we go?" Emily was stunned; had an hour and a half really flown by so quickly? Had she even done much coaching?

"Sure" she said embarrassed "guys, you did well today. I'm sorry I was distant but rest assured I will be on my strongest look out on Friday; we need to decide whose anchor in next meet so please come prepared" One by one they clambered out of the pool, a buzz of excitement and competitiveness now emitting out of them as they called their 'good-byes' and 'thanks, Coach!'

"They do love you, don't they?" Emily almost cricked her neck, her heart sinking to her stomach, when she heard the voice she had been desperately trying to avoid. "Hey, Em" Emily cleared her throat, trying to act happy that she was here.

"Hey, Paige" She collected her jumper and whistle from the side seats and walked nearer to her, and together they walked out the pool, through into Emily's office. They walked in silence, but Emily could feel Paige's gaze on her, her neck burning up and tingles travelling up and down her spine. When they arrived, she took a seat behind her desk, wasting time hanging up her jacket.

"I haven't seen you around for a while" Her voice was steady, but Emily could hear the hurt that it was covering; she could feel the betrayal that Paige felt just by looking her in the eye.

"I know" Emily said quietly "I'm sorry" Neither of them said anything for a moment, both choking on accusations and apologises.

"Why did you do it?" Paige said calmly

"Do what?" Emily responded, not wanting to turn this into an argument but ready to defend herself or anyone else if she needed to.

"Kiss me" The words fell out of her mouth, but she wasn't ashamed or disappointed; she was just looking for a small piece of closure. Emily's mouth dried up, and she looked down at the ground, humiliated by her own actions.

"You mean a lot to me, Paige" she began, and Paige took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she knew was about to happen "I don't really know how to explain why I did what I did" The brunette could really not look her in eye, because if she did she knew she would breakdown.

"I thought you wanted another shot" Paige almost whispered "I thought you wanted me. Wanted _us_. But that morning when I saw Alison's face at you lying in a crumpled heap on the ground. She looked like she had seen a ghost. It was fairly obvious what was going on."

"Ali has nothing to do with this" Emily shot, knowing she had no right to be angry yet still feeling a little ball of emotion growing in the pit of stomach.  
"Don't lie, Emily." Paige hit back "Lie to me sure, I don't mind. But don't lie to yourself. Alison has everything to do with this" Emily wanted to throw something.

"It's complicated" She mumbled.

"It's always complicated" She pointed out "You love her, Emily. There's nothing complicated about it" Emily swallowed harshly, reaching for her water bottle and taking a sip before replying.

"I don't know what you want me to say" She looked Paige in the eye, and what she saw broke her. The girl in front her had been one of the only constant things in her life for a long time, the only person who was truly there for her no matter what. She wanted to, with every piece of her heart, love her back. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bring herself to trick herself into loving Paige when she knew she would only be in love with the idea of safety and security. She couldn't do it herself; but more importantly she couldn't do it to Paige. "I never meant to hurt you, Paige." It was pathetic. It was weak sentiment with little depeth behind it. But it was the truth; she had never done this with the intention of causing her any pain.

"I know" Paige replied "I'm just sorry you couldn't have figured this out 3 years ago" Emily couldn't tell if she detected any anger, her voice was too coated in sadness for anything else to reveal itself.

"What we had was real, Paige. Don't ever think it wasn't" Emily grabbed Paiges hand across the table, and Paige flinched. "Please. You know how much I loved you for every single minute of the years we spent together" Paige drew her hand away with a regretful smile on face.

"You know how much I wish it was enough" A small pool of tears pooled in her eyes, and Emily wanted to scream. She wasn't the type of person who enjoyed, hell even tried to cause other people any kind of uncertainty or upset. Knowing that Paige was hurting because of her made her ashamed to be sat in that room, it made her want Paige to hit her. To slap her and walk away. But, as usual, Paige was too understanding. Cared too much for the heart that was breaking hers. "I took the job" She dropped on Emily as the silence drew on. "I leave tomorrow" Emily smiled softly.

"Congratulations" Was all she said. Because, really, what else was there? Paige stood up from her chair, looking down at Emily as if she wanted to remember ever feature of her face, every colour of her eyes and every strand of her hair. Emily wanted to reach out to tell her to stop as she began walking out the room, just grab her hand and scream apologies in her face until she promised she accepted them. "Thank you" she said sheepishly, yet still knowing Paige could hear her. " for Friday night. I know that wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry but- but I'm really glad you were there Paige" She stopped at the door, turning round to look at Emily one last time and smile.

"Just be careful, Emily" She said "I hope she makes your choice worth it" Emily wanted to apologise one more time but she was met with the soft closing of the door as Paige walked out of Rosewood High School, probably for the very last time. In the same second, Alison tapped lightly on the door and let herself in, a confused expression on her face.

"Was that Paige I just saw running out of here?" She asked, frowning heavily. Emily nodded, rubbing her hands all over her face to try and alleviate some of the tension.

"I thought we were meeting in the courtyard at 1?" Emily pondered, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice. Ali chuckled.

"So did I. But then it got to half past one, and then quarter to two and you weren't there, so I thought I'd come and check everything was alright". Emily looked down at her watch to confirm.  
"God, I'm so sorry, Ali. I completely lost track of time at practise and then Paige-" She began but trailed off, thinking that Ali was probably the last person who would want to hear about her last conversation with Paige. When she cut herself off, Ali sighed, grabbing Emily from the behind the desk and practically shoving her swim jacket on her, "What are you doing?" She questioned with a grin.

"We're going for pizza. Then you're going to sit and tell me everything you are thinking, and I'm going to sit there and listen."

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That I've been craving pizza all day?" Ali scoffed.

"You have that crazed look in your eye; you get it either when someones confronting you , or when you want pizza" Ali laughed, taking her hand and squeezing it. "I want you to talk to me, Em. About anything." Emily nodded, releasing her hand from Ali's grasp and leading them out the door.

"It better be pepperoni" was all she said as they walked down the corridor together, a tiny bit of weight being lifted off Emily's chest.

 **Sorry if you hated it but I really feel like this scene needs to be done. The next chapter will see Ali and Em's visit to the clinic (and a lot more) and I aim to update on Wednesday.**


	3. Our past and present

**Sorry for the long update! I wanted to make sure this was as good as I could make it...and I've been an emotional wreck after 7x15:(( Anyways, hope you enjoy!**

That evening, Emily decided that, for both her and Ali, it would be best if they were together. That way, should either of them suddenly become too nervous to walk out the door or too angry to control themselves, at last they would have the others support. She didn't know why because, after the amount of 'sleepovers' they had had together, you'd think she'd be used to it by now but, she couldn't untangle the knot of jumbled nerves in her tummy. They were lying together on the couch, like they always did, watching an old movie, like they always did, after having ordered enough food to feed 4 people, like they always did. So why did it feel different? But, of course, she knew why. Everything was about to change.

"Em, my favourite part is coming up pay attention" Ali ordered, motioning to the telly by flapping her arms around, her cheeks going ready and her eyes bulging with excitement. "Em?" She turned to Em as her hold on her had weakened and she had suddenly gone quiet. "Em what is it?" She muted the movie the moment she saw a small tear track fall from the brunette's eye. Her eyes were pleading, desperate.

"It's all going to be different" She muttered "I can't decide if I'm excited or petrified" Ali sighed, taking her hand to Emilys cheek and delicately wiping away the single tear.

"Yeah" she agreed "it is, Em. But we'll deal with it, like we always do" Ali had seen Emily vulnerable, possibly even at her weakest, and Alison could hardly count the ever growing pile of times Emily had been the only thing to keep her going. Together, they had been through life-threatening scenarios. They had defended and saved the life of the other regardless of their own safety and fought armies to keep each other safe. And yet, as Alison looked at her, she had never seen so much fear. Her eye were empty. Dark. They were wet from the tears she was refusing to release, to anyone else it may not have been so obvious that she was hurting. "What's the worst part?" Ali tried to prise something meaningful out of Emily; it was so normal for Em to shut down and turn away from her feelings. But this wasn't something that could be forgotten. Emily hesitated before answering, not able to look Alison in the eye, too aware of herself. Feeling her mouth suddenly dry up, she wanted to curl up. She wanted to just disappear because honestly she didn't know if she could handle this any more. "Emily, please." Alison pleaded, becoming rapidly more unsettled the longer that Emily stayed quiet.

"You" she spat out the word, not maliciously, but because the only way she could say it was if it was quick, if it fired out of her before she had the chance to reconsider. "I'm most scared about losing you" Alison could barely stop herself from pulling the girl closer to her, from holding her and not letting go because the thought of this ripping them apart was ludicrous. Instead, she placed a comforting, familiar arm around Emily, letting her head rest against her shoulder. Emily didn't cry, in fact she remained surprisingly composed, but there was a tension that was impossible not to feel. It was if this fear, this apprehension that was swimming around her head was overtaking her muscles, choking her, freezing her movement.

"Emily" she breathed softly "me and you is the one thing in this whole mess that I know will never change. Do you understand?" As she said the words, she took a minute to think it through. While the mere thought of being anywhere except Emily's side was daunting to her, she ,somehow, was struggling to comprehend how the feeling could be mutual. "Even if it did, that's nothing to get yourself this worked up over" At her words, Emily pulled away from Alison's embrace. Her voice was broken, but still confident.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked, leaning toward the defensive now, hurt flashing more into her eyes.

"No-no Em I didn't mean it in a bad way" Alison scrambled to calm her down again "please. Forget about it, just lie down." Emily was weary as she cautiously fell back onto the sofa, grabbing the remote and resuming the movie. "Stop it" Alison begged "stop getting angry so quickly. I get that you're hurting, Em, I am too."

"I'm not angry" Emily replied too quickly, and she resisted locking eyes with Alison "I'm tired and confused" Alison exhaled deeply, knowing not to push Emily. They sat in silence, the movie playing in the background, as Emily slowly warmed back up. "I'm sorry" She breathed. "This isn't what you need right now" Alison frowned, turning to face Emily again and seeing only confusion.

"You know, don't you?" Alison guessed, the penny dropping "you know what you want to do about it" Emily looked up from the floor for the first time, directly looking at Alison before she admitted what she felt.

"Yeah" she confessed, guilt overtaking her. "I want you to have the baby, Ali." It was said through broken tones "and I know that's not something I can demand or even ask of you but you asked me what I was feeling and that's- that's it. I think we should try" Relief flooded through her. Relief that she was finally being honest about what she wanted and not just keeping up appearances in her fight to make sure Alison was okay.

"Em, this isn't like trying to make a cake. We can't just return it or throw it in the trash when we realise we're no good at it. It's a baby"

"I know that" Emily said, laughing despite everything "I think we can do it" Alison was hesitant, and it was obvious on her face. While she often strived to make Emily happy, this was something that would change the rest of their lives. It wasn't as simple as that any more. "Think about it, at least?" Emily suggested, taking her hand and squeezing it tightly. Alison sighed softly, leaning back into Emily as she wrapped her arms around her, the movie still playing in the background.

"Of course" She agreed with a warm smile. After a while, she melted into Emilys embrace, the emotional whirlwind she had been subjected too today finally weighing on her subconscious. She desperately wanted to fall asleep, and could feel herself being dragged under when Emily's breathing suddenly stilted. "What is it?" Alison murmured dryly.

"You didn't answer my question" Emily said slowly.

"What question?"

"What did you mean? When you said the thought of us not being friends was nothing to get myself worked up over?" Emily looked down at her from above, not angry but genuinely curious, and a little concerned.

"Just that-I don't know, me losing you is something I would lose sleep over. It's something I _have_ lost sleep over, but, I don't know, I don't see how it could be the same for you" Emily gazed at the girl that lay so close to her, her face scrunching into even deeper confusion. Alison met her eyes and they seemed delicate, fragile even.

"You've got to stop" Emily said sternly but in a caring tone, so Alison knew whatever was said next was said out of nothing but...concern. When Ali frowned quizzically, Emily sighed, pushing her up and turning her around so they were face to face. "thinking that you don't mean as much to me as I mean to you" Ali shied away from her deepening stare, paying too much attention to the characters on the screen, clearing her throat.

"I don't want to argue tonight, Em. Please" Emily looked at her forcefully, gaining a roll of the eyes from Alison. "I really don't think we should do this now"

"No" Emily said stubbornly "I think now is exactly when we should do this. Why would we be arguing?" Ali grabbed the cushion nearest to her and held onto it tightly. Her hands going clammy, she reached for her cell and checked the time.

"It's irrational" she insisted "just drop it, Emily" She stood up, discarding the pillow and flicking on the lamp , plunging the room into harsh light. Emily took Alisons wrist as she tried to turn off the television, pulling herself up.

"Ali? Talk to me"Emily left her hand grasping Alison's wrist, but Ali didn't attempt to release it.

"I broke you" She said almost inaudibly "I broke everything we had" Emily dropped her wrist in astonishment, closing the space between them and pulling her into a hug. It was a while before either one pulled away.

"After all this time and you're still hung up on that?" Emily tried to inject some lightheartedness in to the conversation, but was met with withering eyes.

"We never talked about it" Ali said monotonously. "It was so easy for you" She stood with her hands behind her back, hesitant to look Emily look in the eyes again, fearful that this was going to turn into something she didn't want it to.

"Easy for me to do what?" Emily was growing more and more concerned, twiddling her thumbs so that she wouldn't snap and suffocate Ali with her need for reassurance.

"Turn your back on me" It pained Ali just to think of it. The crushing sensation of Emily walking away from her, knowing that at that point there was nothing she could do or say to stop everything from falling around her. Knowing that, even if she could stop it, she wouldn't, because if that was it took for Emily to be happy? Then how would she feel if she stood in the way of that? Emily raised her eyebrow. "you thought I killed her" Emily blushed suddenly, looking down at the floor.

"Spencer thought you killed her" she corrected "I don't know about the others but for me, it was nice having a concrete answer. Even if deep down I , uh, didn't actually believe it" Ali smiled, determined to keep this conversation peaceful, shrugging her shoulder.

"I get it" She reassured Emily "it was a rough time. You wanted it to be over. But that's my point, Em. Don't you see? It was so easy for you to walk away and believe the worst in me"

"Ali, it's not like that. You think handing over that jacket to AD was easy? My heart sank to my stomach when I found it in that box. All I wanted to do was chuck it on a fire and burn it to a crisp" There was an awkward pause before Ali replied.

"Uh, Em I didn't mean Charlotte" She admitted, crossing her arms. Emily blinked, keeping her eyes closed for a little too long.

"Right" she exhaled "Mona" Ali nodded, pursing her lips.

"See what I mean?" She laughed, as if to say she wasn't angry but, before anything else could be addressed, they needed to sort through this big issue.

"I guess we never actually apologised for that" Emily realised "I mean, I-I never apologised for that" Ali shook her head, not wanting Emily to let guilt over take any other emotion.

"It was a reasonable assumption" She said "I think it's just the fact that I never thought it would be an assumption that you could be on board with. Spencer, sure. Aria, definitely, Hanna- maybe. But you? That was the worst part of the whole thing. Seeing you lose your faith in me more and more each day, like it was literally being sucked out of you, it was awful" Emily looked her up and down, tentatively taking a step forward.

"Those months were some of the most taxing of my life, Ali. I didn't know what to believe or-or who to trust. I had Hanna spitting in my ear that we shouldn't have been helping you and it was time to cut you off and Spencer trying to prove you were guilty of murder and I just-it became very overwhelming. I just wanted it to be over with" Ali took a moment to process what she was saying. Of course, she knew all this already. She knew that Emily was so much more comfortable following what everyone else thought than being the one to go against the grain.

"I didn't bring this up to prise an apology out of you" Ali chuckled regretfully "my point was that the thought of me not being in your life shouldn't scare you as much as it does. You can cope without me. I'm not easily missed"

"Ali I missed you every single day" She admitted. Ali began to reply, but Emily practically yelled " But that's not important" Cutting her off "because it's never going to happen" Ali smiled, nodding her head. They stood awkwardly, neither knowing what to say, or even why they were saying it.

"Did you really hate me?" Ali broke the ever growing silence, leaning against the dining room table, her eyes focused solely on Emily's. She looked up in surprise, the unexpected question taking her off guard as she searched for the answer.  
"I tried to" She confessed "I think I may have tricked myself into thinking I did" she continued, trying to gauge Alison's feelings by analysing her face "but no. I didn't ever hate you. Not for one minute" Her voice quietened the longer she spoke, as if she were only realising this for the first time herself. Ali had never realised how much she needed to hear those words until they were already said. "Why did you forgive us?" Emily questioned. Ali laughed, her face shining as smile broke out.

"That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever asked me" She teased.

"Humour me" Emily replied, shrugging her shoulders. Ali tilted her head, looking Emily up and down.

"Because you had every reason to hate me. I like to think that all of you were just looking for an excuse to cut me off" Emily wanted to deny it. She wanted to yell that it wasn't true, that she was simply afraid which is why she acted the way she did. Recognising that she was taking too long to respond, she sighed despondently.

"I'm so sorry, Ali" Was all she could say. Ali rebuffed her apology, shaking her head lightly and smiling.

"As much as it hurt to see you everyday, refusing to look at me, it would've hurt so much more if we got to this place because you felt guilty, Em" She explained, the words rushing out of her before she knew what she even felt "I would rather have gone through the pain of you hating me and deciding to love- being friends with me again than having anything with you based on pity" Emily didn't know what to say, suddenly feeling her throat going dry, butterflies squirming in her stomach. "Never again" she said. Alison nodded her head in agreement.

"Sounds good to me" Tingles ran up and down Emily's spine, I was only now that she realised she had never registered how ashamed she still felt about that whole period of their story. "Okay" Ali broke the silence "I think I'm gonna go to bed. Are you good by yourself for a bit?"

"Yeah" Emily assured her "I'll be up in a minute. I'm really craving some ice cream" She chuckled, grabbing a spoon from the draw and pouncing into the freezer.

"Em?" Ali called from the doorway, smiling as Emily shovelled a mountain of cookie dough into her mouth straight from the carton.

"Mmm?" She replied, her eyes bulging.

"Stay with me tonight?" Emily frowned, dragging the spoon out of her mouth and swallowing visibly.

"Yeah, it's 1 o clock in the morning of course I'm staying here" She laughed, having another scoop.

"No, Em. I mean, you know, you don't have to sleep in the spare room. If-if you don't want to. We'll just sleep." Emily tried to stop herself from beaming. Though she stayed over often, it wasn't always that the pair shared a bed. Why would it be? Unless they fell asleep watching a movie, or passed out on the others bed from eating too much take out. Or one of them had had a particularly disturbing nightmare and needed the feel of the other fingers trailing through their hair to get back to sleep.

"Oh" was all she managed "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that" Ali smiled, her face glowing.

"Okay. I'll see you upstairs" She turned around into the darkness of the corridor behind and Emily could feel her heart beat faster and faster in her chest. It took her few moments to gather the courage to move her feet forward through the hall and up each stair, her breath shaky and hands clammy. Yet despite her obvious response to Ali's proposition, her mind kept throwing her back to the conversation they had had only a matter of weeks ago ; if Alison still didn't know, then Emily couldn't do anything except sleep tonight. Eventually, she arrived outside Alison's room, hovering a little before having the courage to knock. Before she could, Ali pulled open the door. She frowned, a smirk on her face.

"How long have you been stood out there?" She laughed. Ali was wrapped only in a baby blue silk dressing gown that just floated above her knees, Emily suddenly became a little flustered.

"Not long" she mumbled. Ali squinted at her, her eyebrows raised.

"Okay then" she exhaled "you're PJ's are where they always are. I'm going to have a shower. I'll be in in a minute" She clarified, moving passed Em and back down the hallway. Emily watched as she walked, her hair flowing down her back and shimmering in the moonlight that swam in through the window. She smiled gently before entering Ali's room and, though she had been in it a million times before, those damn butterflies appeared once again. Something inside her made her hand reach out and stroke the silk bedspread that sat peacefully on Ali's bed, a soft grey, and she suddenly felt a little dehydrated. She cleared her throat, collecting her plaid pyjamas from the bottom draw of Ali's closet and laying them on the bed as she removed her top. For a second she was acutely aware of herself, goosebumps spreading like wildfire across every crevice of her skin. It was hard to establish what was making her so nervous; the thought of being so close to Ali for an entire night, the thought of what she was waking up to tomorrow morning, or the thought of what she knew was not going to happen tonight. Logically, she figured it was most probably a combination of all three. Whether that was comforting or unnerving she was yet to determine. As she buttoned the shirt and pulled on the trousers, her mind wandered and she became a little lost in her thoughts, her eyes fixed on the moon that hung, like a luminous pearl, in the centre of the sky, splattered like spilled ink on a crumbled piece of paper. It wasn't long before she found herself walking closer to the window, suddenly needing a little fresh air. The glass frosted under the warmth of her breath.

"Em?" Ali's voice floated back into the room, and Emily jumped in surprise. "Sorry" she chuckled "I didn't mean to scare you" Her hair was wet, dripping all over the carpet, and she was wrapped in a fresh white cotton towel. Sometimes, Emily forgot how she could make her feel. Sometimes, it was as if she was finally only seeing Alison as a friend, after all this time. And then she went and looked like that. She gulped, clearing her throat.

"You didn't" Ali smiled softly, looking so innocent and yet...so not. Emily reached up and pulled the curtains across, facing the window as Alison changed into her silk shorts and vest top.

"it's okay" She stated "I''m decent. You can turn around" Emily did so as Ali turned on the side-lamp. "Hit the light" She asked Em, who stretched across and turned off the main one, sending the room into a golden glow. Emily was choking on her words, never feeling more like her 14-year-old self since she was, well, her 14 year-old-self. Wordlessly, they climbed into bed. Emily revelled in the crisp coolness of Alison's sheets, slowly calming her down as her heart rate decreased.

"How are you feeling?" She whispered into the darkness, trying too hard to stop her voice from shaking. She didn't know why it felt different, their closeness. It wasn't like they didn't spend endless nights lounging on each other throughout the week. But for some reason, in bed, hearing Ali's ragged breath, feeling her smooth skin lightly touching hers, it just felt _different_.

"Better" she replied. "thank you for staying with me. I didn't feel like being alone tonight" Emily sighed heavily.

"Me neither, Ali." She reassured the blonde, knowing how vulnerable she would be feeling admitting those words. Ali turned on her side so that she was facing Emily. Noticing this, Emily gulped once again. Every part of her told her to stay strong, to put her foot down and hold out until Alison was able to come to terms with who she was. The other part? Well, the other part couldn't stop staring at Ali's moisturised lips. They were the kind of untainted pale pink that reminded Emily of a rose bud. Emily was clinging onto her sense of morality, begging herself to resit temptation. Alison's stomach squirmed in anticipation; waiting, praying, for Emily to lean over first. But she knew it wouldn't, it couldn't, happen until Ali had said aloud the words she had been so frightened of since the very beginning.

"Remember what I asked you" Emily said so quietly it was barely a whisper, her eyes avoiding Ali's , knowing that if she even glanced at her eyes, the same colour as the infinite line of where the deep blue of the ocean blends with the soft blue of the sky, she would give in. "not until you know" Her breath was hot on Ali, they were so close together their noses were almost touching. Ali had to remind herself that there was something more important to be done, to be said, before she could even consider touching Emily like that ever again.

"Why do you think I asked you to stay with me tonight?" She said sheepishly, glad for the low-lit room because she could feel her cheeks burning brighter than the sun. Emily finally allowed herself to look her in the eye, only to be met with unadulterated fear and raw vulnerability. Alison's heart was thumping, so quickly she was scared it was going to stop altogether. She wasn't quite sure how this evening had ended up like this, the only thing that she was sure of was that she had never felt more ready. She had never, in her 23 years of decision making, been more sure of herself and her choice.

"I'm sorry it took me so long" She began, her voice more confident than she had envisioned. More confident than she felt herself. "you'd have thought I would have been a more sure of myself" Emily's breath was caught in her throat, not daring to say anything partly because she was petrified that Alison would change her mind, but mainly because the words would not come out, stuck inside her because of the elation and terror that had sparked in her bloodstream, setting her alight "God knows I usually am. Or at least, I used to be." That was when she tore her gaze away from Emily's. She couldn't bare looking at her as the words stumbled out, the fear of Emily laughing in her face or telling her that she wasn't worth it any more too strong and too paralysing to be faced with. "The only thing is, I'm only really sure of anything when I'm with you, Em" Emily watched as she fiddled endearingly with her thumbs, too scared of herself to keep her head up, too apprehensive to place her hands in Emilys. "when I'm not with you I don't feel right. I don't feel like I'm me." she pressed her hands to her chest, slightly shifting her position so that her head was further up the pillow, closer to Emily, who was so still for a second she thought something may have happened. "I squandered it, though. I just thought it was because you were the best friend I've ever had, and assumed it was normal" Emily took her hand, reaching out for Alison's cheek, placing her hand against it, her heart breaking at the heat that she was met with.

"Look at me" Emily said. Alison's gaze was slow, but with a sobering finesse the two locked eyes, sweeping them out of reality. "trust me. Please." At hearing Emilys softening tone, a glaze of tears appeared, releasing themselves from Alison's throat, begging to be liberated.

"I didn't understand what people meant when they talked about love" Alison's voice trembled on the last word "it was a meaningless concept. Kinda like a myth to me" Emily thought back to Ali's childhood; her parents- a mother who buried her to protect another,and a father who abandoned her when it became unbearable. A brother who only stayed around when there was an emergency, and best friends who cornered her, happily sending her to jail for the rest of her pathetic life. A sister who was using her to escape the confines of her mental hospital; and a husband who strapped her down and tortured her, isolating her from everything. Slowly sending her into a state of insanity.

"it's real. I know it's hard for you to believe that , but it's real. Ali, I promise" She inched ever closer to Ali, wanting her to know that she was there, no matter what form or entity that consisted of, she was there.

"I know that now, Em. It's been in front of me this whole time and I didn't even realise it" one tear broke through her "I've always been scared of what I don't understand. That's why it took me so long to let everything click together in my head." She took a moment, appreciating this final second before everything was going to change. Appreciating the way Emily looked at her, her eyes gleaming a rich brown, like they held the secrets of the earth, controlled the ancient trees of forbidden forests. Memorized the delicate twist of her smile, cautious but gleaming, as if she were embracing something she had known was coming for so long. The sandy complexion of her skin, like the fire-gold of dawn, drawing her in , never really letting her go. "I'm in love with you, Em. Of course I am." As the words were finally free, so were her tears. It was as if every emotion she had ever suppressed, every self-deprecating thought and negative feeling, suddenly exploded out of her, exhilarated to be vindicated. She tried to hide her tears through discreet sniffles and her bright, yet somehow broken,smile. "I'm just so sorry I didn't know this before" Emily was soaring. She was convinced she was dreaming; that she would soon thrash awake to find herself rotting in a cell and this was all a figment of her imagination. But she couldn't focus on herself, as the girl who had just bared her soul to her was breaking next to her, tears staining her pillow. She leaned forward, pulling her into her embrace as she wept on her shoulders, sending her pyjama shirt into wet mess. "I'm not sad" Alison clarified through her tears.

"I know" Emily promised her, stroking her arm as she held her.

"I'm relieved" Ali tried to explain further how she felt, clinging onto Emily as if she was going to topple off the bed if she let go "because I'm not me without you. And now you know. And I know what that means."

"You're so relieved you feel as if you may break into a million pieces because there's nothing forcing you into shape any more" Emily guessed, holding her ever closer. Alison looked at her, as if seeing her truly for the first time.

"That's it" she said, her voice steadily firming up again, the wobbles becoming less frequent. Emily didn't say anything, instead letting Ali comfortably find her place curled into her, wrapping her arm around her and resting her head on top of her head, knowing she wouldn't be letting her go for hours to come. "what happens now" she whispered after a few minutes. Emily breathed deeply.

"We wake up tomorrow. We go to the doctors. We take it a step at time." Ali sighed, her breathing gradually evening out, feeling rested now she was in Emily's arms.

"I know I've got issues" she muttered.

"I've got 'em too" Emily pointed out. "we'll figure this out, Ali" She pressed a light kiss against the top of her drying hair, marvelling in the smell of vanilla. Ali couldn't say anything for a minute.

"Em, I don't know how to love you" she confessed, fighting against the instinct that was racing through her to cry, to break down and turn herself crazy. But she fought _hard_ , remembering that, if in the end, she had Emily, every single second of pain would be worth it "All I know is that I do. With everything I am. But I don't know if that will be enough" She was beginning to sound more comfortable, at least with the fact that she could be honest.

"Like I said" Emily reassured her, her words steady "one step at time. We'll figure it out. There's no rush" Emily's voice was soothing, but underneath the surface her own fears boiled. Fears of their past stirring up, fears that she knew were irrational. Fears that she couldn't bare to spill, at least not yet, because the amount of courage it had taken for Ali to admit what she had admitted was something that she would never bring herself to destroy. Alison's eyes met hers, and this time she wasn't afraid to bend down and close the space between them. It was a kind of kiss neither had experienced before, not even with each other. It sent them to another world, it alighted something deep within them that was indescribable. It was different because this time Alison had accepted who she was, and who she loved. A feeling of warmth over took the pair of them, because it was kiss that said more than any other. Alison was releasing so much of herself and it was impossible not to feel it as her lips gently moved with Emily's, it was adrenaline inducing. Goosebumps trailed Alison's skin as Emily's hands explored every surface of her body and she felt truly alive for the first time in weeks, as if everything going on in the outside now was just so insignificant to what transpired between the two of them. Emily was gentle with Ali, as if scared she was going to break her. Ali resisted the fragility and injected passion; fire, demanding focus. Whether they were a couple, or whether they still had problems that they had to overcome, at that point it didn't matter. Because this time Alison loved Emily. This time she knew that she loved Emily. This time they were both in love with each other, and as the world froze, their bodies tangled, heat and passion building, it was so easy to forget their problems. It was so easy to just let themselves welcome each other home.

…...

Emily was immediately shot back down to earth from the peace of the morning by the incessant drill of the alarm from her phone. She wanted to smash it into pieces. When she tore her eyes open she was met with soft golden rays of sun, evenly warming her bare skin, filtering in through the window, casting a delicate glow from the pale of the curtains.

"Ali?" She whispered to the sleeping figure who was cradled in her arms. For a second she took in her sleeping form. Her hand was resting on her heart, and she was comforted by the constant beat. She let her lips briefly kiss her neck, tracing the slight bruising that had been left there from the night before. Ali moaned in frustration.

"I don't wanna wake up" she complained "just turn it off" Emily chuckled quietly, untangling herself from the blondes limbs, struggling to figure out where her legs began and Alison's ended. Reluctantly, she pulled herself out of bed. "okay, that's something I could get myself out of bed for" Alison smirked, looking Emily up and down as she walked around the room collecting her discarded clothes.

"Come on, we've got to be at the doctors in 45 minutes. Go and shower and I'll make breakfast" Alison raised her eyebrows "are you doubting my ability to make a fried egg?" Ali just shrugged.

"I'd never doubt you" she teased. She wrapped her dressing gown around herself, steadily walking over to the mirror that hung on her wall, a little unnerved, but excited, by the aches shadowing her body that she had never experienced properly before. She took a minute to examine herself, her hand immediately attracted to the darkening purple mark scorched on the side of her neck.

"Em!" She growled. Emily just chuckled, moving over to her, taking her thumb and tracing the outline of the mark.

"You weren't complaining about it a few hours ago" she smirked at Alison through her reflection in the mirror, and Ali couldn't stop the blush that rose to her cheeks.

"How am I supposed to look like a functioning mother-to-be with this monstrosity on me?" She sounded grumpy, taking a minute to rub at the mark before she realised what she had said.

"Did you-?" Emily began.

"No" she shot her down. There was an awkward silence and Emily cleared her throat.

"go and shower" she ordered "I'll be downstairs" She smiled as warmly as she could manage, and Ali returned it as she hurried down the hallway, shattering Emily's picture of perfection for that morning.

…...

"Okay, Ms Dilaurentis if you'd like to lift your shirt we can take a look at baby and check everything is as should be" A woman in her late 50's peered over Alison, a great plastic monitor in her head and a bottle of blue gel in the other.

"What does that do?" Ali demanded, eyeing the mysterious substance.

"This?" She said looking a little alarmed. When Ali nodded her head, clearly more than a little nervous, she smiled (quite condescendingly) "This is the ultrasound gel. We need it to help the picture form on the screen. Is that okay?" Ali's eyes shot to Emily's, whose hand she held onto tightly. Emily gave her a reassuring nod of her head, using her over hand to stroke the top of Ali's hair.

"It's okay, Ali. It doesn't hurt" Emily comforted her. The midwife chuckled, her glasses bobbling on top of her nose.

"She's right, dear. It's just a little cold, is all" Ali bit the inside of her cheek, her back tensed. After another calming look from Emily and a gentle squeeze of the hand, she finally nodded her head.

"Okay. Yeah- yeah" Releasing Em's hand for only a moment, she lifted up her shirt, a very small- but very real- bump protruding. Instantly, she took Emily's hand again and Emily softly sighed.

"Right then" The midwife mumbled, covering her hands in latex gloves and smearing the thick, gloopy, blue liquid over Alison's stomach. Ali flinched; it was more than a little cold.

"Ah" she said instinctively, tightening her grasp on Emily's hand.

"Ali, relax" Emily insisted "you're going to bite your whole cheek of and break my hand in the process" She looked her in the eye, and the second she did Ali melted.

"Are we ready?" The midwife badgered them. "Okay, good" she proceeded without confirmation. The next moment, the big scanner thing that reminded Ali of something out of a bad sci-fi movie came crashing down on her. When it touched her, she felt her whole body stiffen, her eyes childishly closing shut. Emily rubbed circles on Ali's palm.

"Uh- Ali I don't think _it_ counts if we don't look" She muttered, smiling through her words a little too brightly. With Emily words, Ali prised her eyes open, sending them in the direction of the little monitor in front of her. The midwife played with a few of the buttons until, eventually, it was there for the world to see.

"Congratulations" she said with a toothy grin "there's your baby. Very healthy" she pointed to a particularly defined area of blurry black and grey lines, and Ali was shocked she could even make it out at all. Her mouth was left hanging open, and the midwife took that as a sign that she was happy. "I'll give you both a moment" She announced as she got up from her chair, waddling out of the door. It was quiet. Ali couldn't tear her eyes away from the image on the monitor.

"It's a baby" She said through an exhausted sigh "it's-it's your baby" She stated. Emily ducked down so that her head was rested on Ali's shoulder.

"Yeah, it is." And she couldn't contain her smile. Seeing the little, the tiny, thing on the screen made everything suddenly plummet to earth- it all suddenly became a very scary reality. Both girls had their eyes fixated on it, holding the others hands as they took it all in.

"That's a part of you" Alison murmured "it's beautiful" Emily grinned, looking down at Ali.

"You think?" She asked.

"Oh, God yeah no doubt about it" she teased "I think he's got your eyes" She laughed nervously.

"He?" Em questioned. Ali cut her laughter short, shrugging in response to her question. Emily swallowed harshly, having to remember that this, really, wasn't her decision. And that baby- that almost baby- could be gone soon.

"Are you okay?" Alison ventured, wanting to comfort Emily but knowing this whole situation was beyond words. Emily nodded quickly.

"Do you think AD is satisfied?" She answered Ali's question with another question, grabbing her jacket from the chair. Ali put her hand up.

"Not yet. We need the puzzle piece" she pointed "AD is only happy when it gives us a puzzle piece" Ali pointed out, now beginning to feel a little exposed with her stomach still smeared in the cold slime. Sensing her discomfort, Emily wandered off to grab the midwife.

"Sorry dears!" She exclaimed, walking back in the room with Emily in tow "I just had to grab the letter your doctor left for you, Ms Dilaurentis" She motioned, a cream envelope with the words _'Mommy and Mama Dilaurentis-Fields'_ inscribed on it, thought judging by her expression the midwife had not yet clocked the words. Emily quickly grabbed it off her, and when she was happy there was a piece inside, rushed a quick thank you.

"No problem, sweetheart. There's paper-towels over there" she informed them, pointing to a large container in the corner of the room "and you're print out is just waiting for you at reception"

"Uh-wow, brilliant. Thank you" Emily said, rushing her back out of the room "I'll just get Ali ready and then we'll be out of here" As Ali wiped her stomach clean, wishing for her shower back at home, the room was awfully quiet.

"Did you hear from them?" Ali asked timidly.

"Yeah" Emily assured her "Hanna sends her love, Spencer is thinking of us and Aria is hoping it goes well" Ali smiled, happy she was being remembered. "Shall we head back to yours?" Emily asked "I can grab us pizza, if you want" Alison exhaled, as if a huge weight had been lifted off her chest.

"You're a saint, Emily"


	4. Worth it

**I survived 7x16 congratulate me ! MK pulled through y'all she done it !**

 **Anything I write now is nothing compared to how she's done it but I'm so in love with all of these characters that I'm going to keep going because I just adore writing for them, so I hope you still enjoy it!**

"You look like crap" Hanna said bluntly as Emily walked into the loft, her hair in a high pony. Emily frowned, going straight for the steaming coffee she could smell from the kitchen.

"Thanks" she muttered, pouring herself a mug and indulging in the bitter, rich taste. "late night"

"So I guess this morning didn't go well?" Hanna tried to coax it out of her "where's Alison?" Emily placed the mug back down the counter, turning around to face Hanna, her arms crossed.

"Uh, no actually. The doctor's went well." She couldn't help but let a goofy grin overtake her face "Ali had to get to school, and Jason's back in town so she's meeting him for dinner" Hanna squinted, smirking.

"Does that mean you're actually going to be at _home_ tonight?" She asked, her eyes gleaming. "I feel like you're never here"  
"We were together literally three days ago, Han" Emily laughed, scooting past her to grab one of her jumpers and change out of the romper she had regretfully decided to wear that morning. Hanna followed her upstairs to her bedroom, jumping onto her bed, much to the confusion to the brunette. She was going to ask her why but realised she didn't care and so stripped off so she was just wearing her underwear.

"Jeez, Em. Did you get into a fight with a leech?!" Hanna exclaimed, jumping off the bed to inspect the dark mark that Emily, in her speed to get her and Ali out of bed that morning, had neglected to notice. When she saw the ,frankly enormous, patch that began in he inner of her thigh her face turned scarlet.

"I- er" Hanna raised her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation . "I tripped" Hanna physically snorted.

"Onto someone's lips?" She rolled her eyes dramatically "Spill!" Emily almost fell over in her hurry to squeeze on her black running leggings, jolted by Hanna's screech.

"Hanna" she said exasperated, feeling less embarrassed now she was completely covered up "I love you, but stay out of it"

"Oh come on, you know everything about me and Caleb! Please tell me" Emily cringed.

"Hear about it too" she muttered. Hanna rolled her eyes.

"Is it Paige? Ali?" She pestered, becoming more and more curious the less willing Emily was to share.

"Stop it" Emily said defiantly "I'm done talking about this" She barged past Hanna and ran down the spiral staircase leading her back into the main loft.

"You didn't talk about this! What is _this_?!"Emily ignored her, shoving earphones in her ears, stuffing her feet into a pair of trainers.  
"This is me going for a run." She said "I'll call later" And before Hanna could argue any more, she was slamming the door and speeding out of the building.

"What was all that about?" Caleb appeared from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair sodden. Hanna sighed, throwing her head in her hands.

"Her and Ali are totally hooking up and she won't admit it" Caleb's eyes creased at the corners from the smile that he let overtake his face.

"It's about time" He said, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl and taking a bite. When Hanna didn't respond, he pulled her towards him and rested his chin atop her head, stroking her back. "Han, baby, this isn't your problem. Emily and Ali will tell you when they're ready. They may not even know what's happening themselves yet. Hell, you don't even know they _are_ hooking up" Hanna murmured her agreement. "c'mon, you're going to be late for Spencer" Hanna pulled away from him, her hands still wrapped his waist.

"How did you know I'm meeting Spence?" She questioned. He grinned, tucking a piece of stray hair behind her ear.

"Because you synced our diaries" he chuckled.

"Right" Hanna remembered "sorry" He pecked her delicately, walking her out the door.

"Text when you're there, so I know you're safe" She smiled, graciously accepting his request. It was only when she checked her phone that she realised how late she actually was, adding Caleb's time management skills to the endless list of things she loved about him. Racing downstairs to the Brew , she was thankful, but confused, to see Spencer gratefully handing the cashier a five dollar bill for two coffees.  
"Hey, Han" she greeted Hanna with a coffee, looking worn out.

"I thought we were meeting at the grill?" She pondered, graciously accepting the paper cup.

"Yeah, well I thought I may as well just meet you here" Spencer seemed distracted, as If waiting for something she had expected to find hours ago.

"Okay, what is going on? Why are you tripping out?"Spencer did a double take, her eyes wide and knee jiggling as they stood. It was her intention to lie, but from the look on Hanna's face she knew that there was really no point.

"Fine" she gave in "I saw Paige walk in here earlier" From the way her tone dropped down two decibels it would be understandable to assume she had released a major truth bomb. Hanna just shook her head, eyebrows raised.  
"Okay?" Spencer sighed, look around suspect and taking a sip of her coffee.

"Emily said she was supposed to be leaving for that job, right? Well what's keeping her here?" It took all of Hanna's strength to not roll her eyes, grabbing Spencer by the arms and dragging her to the sofas in the corner of the coffee shop.

"Snap out of it Spence" she ordered "She's probably on her way out, Emily and Ali are about 5 seconds from being-"

"What?" Spencer shot, still looking around, waiting to pounce "this has nothing to do with Alison and Emily."

"So why am I sat in the brew waiting for her to appear instead of sat at the grill with a meaty bowl of pasta and a bottle of wine?" She asked, crossing her arms and throwing herself back on the sofa in a grump.  
"Because- what if she's the person we've been looking for?" Spencer said passionately "what if she is AD?" She whispered harshly, moving nearer to Hanna so that she would hear her out. Hanna didn't stop herself from rolling her eyes this time, grabbing the coffee out of Spencer's hand and placing it down on the table.  
"Spencer, you're insane" She said confidently "now come on. I'm hungry" Grabbing her bag, she yanked Spencer up from her seat. Unsurprisingly, the latter protested.

"She's weird, Hanna. Haven't you ever noticed she's always just on the cusp of things? Hovering over Emily and suddenly making a grand appearance just before anything bad happens?" Hanna was close to slapping her.  
"Stop! The only thing that Paige is guilty of is being a creepo and manipulating and guilting Emily into a relationship. Spencer, the second you start making accusation like that so close to home somebody is going to get hurt. Just remember what happened last time we went down the Paige route" Spencer looked as if she was on the verge of tears, whether of frustration or anger Hanna didn't know. "You're walking on very thin ice, Spence. Don't do this to Emily. God knows she's got enough going on in her life at the moment" Spencer went to argue back, but her expression softened.

"Oh God" she muttered "I think I'm spiralling. I'm sorry, Han" The blonde sighed, placing a hand on Spencer;s arm and stroking.

"Just forget about it" She said "I think we're all going a bit crazy at the moment" She smiled warmly. Spencer grabbed her purse from the floor.

"Lunch on me?" She offered.

"If you insist" Hanna laughed. They linked arms as walked out of the brew "she's always been a bit weird, though I'll give you that. Remember when we went to visit Em in Cali and Paige wouldn't let Emily go out without her? Even when we made it clear we wanted a night to be together the 5 of us?" Spencer cringed at the memory.

"Too well" She said "Paige always managed to ruin things without even trying."

"Yeah, I can't say I was heartbroken when they broke up- any of the times" Hanna joked. "I don't think I'll ever get past her telling the police about Ali. You know- that she was still alive" Spencer shook her head.

"I don't think I ever got past her shoving Emily's head under water until she couldn't breathe, but who knows- maybe that was her version of unrequited love" Hanna laughed, loudly, only stopping when she heard a sharp clearing of a throat from behind them.

"Crap" she said as she came face to face with Emily, who was as red as a beetroot and sweating buckets from her run "that was quick. Was it nice?" she said, trying to break the ice.

"How much did you hear?" Spencer asked directly.

"Enough" Emily snapped. "for the last time- both of you- me and Paige is none of your god damn business. Unless I choose to make it so" She was angry, that was obvious.

"Is there a you and Paige, Emily? Whenever she comes back here you go running to her trying to make yourself forget everything. It doesn't work. When has it _ever_ worked? "  
"Spencer-" Hanna cautioned.

"Screw you, Spence" Emily said, moving toward her so their faces were inches apart "me and Paige are done. I chose to make it like that. Try and have some tact, for once in your life" When the words came out she moved aside with the intention of running to the park, but Hanna grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to the side walk.

"Don't leave, Em. We're just worried about you" She said, Emily's eyes faltering a little at her tone. Spencer side-eyed her, and for a moment guilt spread through her.

"Look" Emily said "I know Paige wasn't always the best thing for me, okay? I know that. She was controlling at best and manipulative at the worst of times. But I wasn't going to taint the good times we had by being an asshole towards her, okay? And I did my fair share of damage. I am done with it. I am done with her" She assured them both, clenching her jaw "But I don't need you sneaking around and talking about it behind my back. If you have an issue with someone in my life then _come_ to me. We aren't 16 any more" She stood firmly, her hands by her side, not breaking eye contact with either of them. Hanna could barely look straight.

"It won't happen again" Hanna promised "I swear" Spencer stood a little disgruntled at her side, avoiding Emily's eye.

"I'm sorry" she muttered. "Come for lunch with us?" She offered as an apology. Emily shook her head.

"I can't, I have to get to practise." The two other girls looked disappointed "but, er, it's the outdoor cinema tonight. We could go?"

"Dirty Dancing, right?" Hanna clarified "I'm down"

"Yeah" Spencer agreed "that sounds perfect" The three of them smiled, agreeing to meet later that day at the loft, and Emily went one way as Spencer and Hanna went the other. Eventually, they found themselves waiting for a table at the uncharacteristically busy Grill.

"God, I'm starving" Hanna complained, trying to catch the eye of a waiter.

"Oh" Spencer noticed something across the room "it's Ali and Jason" She motioned to a table near the corner of the room, next to the window.

"Great, a family reunion" Hanna said under her breath, teasingly. "can we just sit with them? I feel like I'm going to pass out" Before Spencer could respond, Ali spotted them and her face shone brightly. She waved them over, pulling out the two spare seats, and the girls happily accepted the invitation. Spencer swooped down and pecked Ali's cheek, and accepted a tight hug from Jason. Hanna was a little too preoccupied drooling over the menu to greet either of them properly.

"Spencer, Hanna. Good to see you" Jason shot them both a genuine smile.

"I didn't know you were back in town" Spencer said, eyes only on him. Jason cleared his throat a little uncomfortably.

"Yeah" he said "I figured with Mary AWOL and Ken still not getting on a plane to come and check in, I could do with sticking around for a couple of days" He looked to his sister, a warm but cautious expression on his face. "especially now I'm going to be an uncle" Alison swallowed hard, her eyes averting to Jason who looked at her with pity.

"You told him?" Hanna shot at Ali, as if Jason weren't sat directly opposite."about the baby? We don't even know if you're keeping it yet" Alison frowned, swinging her gaze around onto Hanna.

"He's my brother, Han." Ali reminded her.

"I know she has you guys and this weird sisterly bond thing that I don't really understand, but now that she's pregnant with this creeps baby Ali needs as much support as she can get" Ali dropped her gaze as Hanna and Spencer both stared at her in disbelief. She took a sip of water, clearing her throat.

"Anyway-" she changed the subject "have you guys heard from Em?" She asked, her face straight. Hanna raised on eyebrow, leaning on her elbow as she stared at Alison.

"We saw her just now" Spencer informed her "we had a little bit of a run in over Paige" Ali broke her poker face when the name was mentioned, and Hanna subtly shook her head, looking off to the side.

"What, er- what about Paige?" Jason seemed to notice the change in Ali's tone, looking to Spencer for some kind of clarification.

"Just, that, we should back off" Hanna said "about questioning their relationship" She said it pointedly, looking Alison directly in the eye and trying to stir a reaction. "You know, how they used to be in love until Paige broke her heart and now she's back in town" Hanna said, this time directed at Jason who just looked a little uncomfortable and confused. Alison scoffed, loudly enough for the elderly couple sat behind them to turn around and see what was going on.

"What relationship? They're friends. Not even that any more, I don't think. And she's left town so this doesn't even matter" Hanna pursed her lips.

"I- er, think I'm just going to go to the mens room" Jason said, still uneasy and with a look of humour in his smile "I'll be back in a minute" The three girls smiled at him as he wandered off, and immediately Spencer lowered her voice, leaning forward a little before she spoke.  
"Are you crazy?" She said "did AD say that you could tell other people outside the group? Are you trying to get our brother killed?"

"For telling him I'm pregnant, Spence? Really?" She questioned, tilting her head "eat some olives" she said, pushing the little bowl of green olives in front of her.

"You didn't tell him its Emily's" Hanna noticed. Ali looked down at the floor, shaking her head.

"I will. If I decide to have it" She spoke softly, not wanting to make the other two girls uncomfortable. "Please- just while Jason's here- can we try and keep the conversation to something other than murder, impregnation or blackmail?" Spencer smirked despite everything, and Alison couldn't help herself as she smiled back.

"Fine" She said. "but just this once, Ali" she teased, popping an olive into her mouth and sucking around the pip. The three of them laughed in spite of themselves. Ali reached across to grab a menu from the opposite side of the table as Jason made his way back over.

"Have whatever you want, it's on me" He said, taking his seat.

"Generous" Hanna said with a grin, wiggling her eyebrows as she settled further into her seat. For a while they all sat, happily chatting about all sorts from Jason's charity work to their individual reasons why Rosewood High School was the worst thing to ever happen to them. It wasn't until the waitress bought over the bill that Ali slipped up.

"Ali" Jason stopped her as she tried to grab her card "I said I've got this" Smiling gratefully, she pulled away, letting her scarf that had been very strategically placed, fall off her and float onto her lap. Luckily, she thought as she hurriedly wrapped it back around the very evidential mark on her neck, nobody noticed. Except, of course...

"Ali!" Hanna yelled across the table "what is that on your-"

"Hanna" Ali cut her off with a glare "come to the ladies with me?" Her face flushed dramatically as she felt Hanna's eyes pin her down.

"Sure" Hanna replied, dragging her chair too slowly as she got up "it would be my _pleasure_ " Ali clenched her teeth at the implication, while simultaneously trying to stop herself from smirking. Thankfully the interaction flew straight over both Spencer and Jason's heads. Alison's heeles echoed across the wooden floorboards, followed by Hanna's as they walked into the rest room. When Ali walked in first, Hanna spun around, leaning against the door and locking it should anyone come in.

"Spare the bullshit, Ali. I know you didn't fall. Emily has the matching one on her thigh" Ali was a little taken aback, but when her face broke into a beautiful smile Hanna mirrored it, moving closer to her and holding her hand, pulling her into a hug. When Ali pulled away Hanna couldn't help but notice how...refreshed she looked.

"You're glowing" she noted "I mean,I know it might be the whole baby thing but still you look-you look different" Ali chuckled, crossing her ankles and looking down at the floor.

"I don't think- I mean, me and Em haven't exactly had time to talk about it but, I don't know if we're ready to start coming out as a couple or-or you know holding hands in public and stuff. I mean, she hasn't even said it back yet so I don't know-" Ali was becoming increasingly flustered, her heart rate rising, she could even feel her forehead becoming a little clammy.

"Wait, you told her you loved her?" Hanna took on a much softer tone having sensed the vulnerability that seeped out of Ali, eyes bulging with shock yet her face positively beaming.

"Yeah" Ali said quietly "how could I not?" Despite the sentiment, Hanna frowned.

"She didn't say it back?" Ali took a deep breath, her shoulders raising and she stood up a little straighter.

"No" she said "I mean, she didn't _say_ it but she, she uh- showed it" Hanna wiggled her eyebrows, smirking so hard it turned Alison bright red all over again.

"Stop!" She yelled.

"Is that what you said to Emily last night?" She teased with a wink, and even Ali couldn't stop herself laughing (though, of course, she shot down the teasing the second she realised). "Don't worry, Ali" She reassured her, putting a comforting hand on her arm " it's been like 10 years since you first pranced into our lives, and there's been a fake kidnapping, a fake murder, a lot of fake friendships and fake girlfriends and that girl still talks about you like you put the stars in the sky. You really, _really,_ mean something special to her, I promise" Ali sighed, trying to hide delight and confirmation of something she basically already knew.

"Come on, Han" she said, moving her aside "they're gonna think we're trapped in here." she pulled open the door and they re-entered the restaurant.  
"Fine" Hanna reluctantly followed her "but don't think you're going to get away with dropping that on me and not having a real conversation about it" She warned, pointing her finger threateningly. Ali chuckled, grabbing her finger and pulling it back down.

"Sure, Han" Ali said "just keep this between us for now. Please. Don't even tell Em that you know. I have no idea where her heads at and I wanna make sure she's okay before anything else happens"

"Aw" Hanna said with a smile.

"Shut up" Ali insisted as they walked back to the table, both with huge grins on their faces.

…...

Later that evening, the girls were preparing for the outdoor cinema that had come to town. Aria and Spencer were meeting them there, and Hanna had promised Caleb she would have dinner with him before going out (though Alison had her suspicions that that was just an excuse to leave her and Emily alone). Emily was currently in the only florist in her end of town, trying to pick out the perfect bunch but- something that she really wasn't ashamed of- she knew as much about flowers as she did about astrophysics. At first she thought the classic red rose was the best way to go, but just as she was about to pick the bunch she remembered that Ali hated red decorations. She had no issue with red clothes, or red make up but for some reason, red _decorations_ were something to be scorned. So, after having stood surrounding by sweet-smelling flowers with the same pained expression on her face, the elderly shop keeper came over to offer her assistance.  
"You've been browsing for an awful long time, dear" she laughed "anything I can help you with?"

"Yeah, Hi, sorry. I just - uh I have no idea what I'm doing" She admitted "my girl- this girl that I'm kinda of, seeing, she absolutely adores flowers and anything feminine and floaty and I wanna surprise her but I just-I know nothing" She laughed embarrassedly, and the shop-keeper (Diana) smiled at her, placing her glasses on so she could help.

"Well- why don't you tell me about her? I can put together something that's not on display, if you'd like something like that" Emily frowned for a second, feeling more and more self-conscious.

"She's a hopeless romantic" Emily began, smiling as she thought about it "I'm talking, Paris, Great Expectations- the whole works. But a lot of the time she just- I don't know, she seems afraid to show that side of her, like someone's going to laugh at her for it or-or reject it. Oh, and she has the most beautiful style, kinda like 50's chic but with a modern twist. You'd be lucky to find her jeans- she says they make her feel like she's being squeezed through a rubber tube" she chuckled to herself "She has the warmest heart, but she doesn't always realise that. She thinks she doesn't, I don't know, deserve it or whatever. But she does. She deserves everything" Emily paused for a moment, thinking about what 'everything' could mean for the pair of them, "Sometimes, when it's really raining outside ,I'll find her curled up in her bedroom, or in front of the fire place- she loves fire- after she cocooned herself in fluffy blankets with her head buried deep in a 700 page book that she's read a million times before- but, I know she hates to be disturbed when she's reading so I just kinda- watch as she discovers her happy place again. I don't know- is any of that helpful? Sorry, I was rambling" Emily reached how long it had been since Diana had spoken, and flushed a deep red.

"Actually, dear, I meant tell me about her favourite colours and flowers" she confessed. Emily didn't think she had ever been more humiliated.  
"Oh, God I am so sorry. Of course you did" Emily flushed a deep crimson, the shop-assistant smiling brightly.

"Don't apologise. Most men that come walking through that door tell me their wife is angry at them and ask what the most amount of flowers they can get for the cheapest amount of money" She smiled warmly, trying to reassure Emily that she had nothing to be ashamed of "I think I have just the bunch for this – girl that your seeing, did you say?" She smiled with a little glint in her eye.

"Yeah" Emily said awkwardly "that's the one" Diana floated away to an unexplored corner of the shop, and Emily sighed to herself, biting her tongue as her mind flooded with different thoughts, thoughts of Alison. Thoughts of Alison's delicate touch- and her not so delicate touch- thoughts of her breath in her ear and thoughts of her screamin-

"How will these do, dear?" Diana interrupted her internal home movie, sending her straight back into reality. Emily looked at the bunch she had pulled out, a mixture of white and pale pink lilies with green foliage. "They're beautiful" she said genuinely "they're - they're Ali." Diana broke a lovely smile, happy to have done a successful job.

"Let me give you a piece of advice, hon" she said "you don't talk about someone like that if you're just seeing 'em" Emily laughed a little awkwardly.

"that wasn't advice" She pointed out as they walked over to the cashier. Diana shrugged.  
"No it wasn't" she agreed "but you know what you've got to go and do now, sweetheart" Emily nodded, handing her a fifty dollar bill. "let's call it 20 and you promise me you'll tell that girl how you feel" Emily looked down, up and around before she managed to look the elder woman in the eye.

"I promise" she said, her voice shaking. Carefully, she took the bouquet from the woman, and with a gracious smile and a small wave she turned and walked out the shop. She wondered down the street, not being able to wipe the smile off her face the whole way to Ali's. For the occasion, she had – at the insistence of Hanna that they had to make it a proper 'girls night out'- worn a dress. It was a little black number, that stopped just above her knees, the neckline a scooped neck with spaghetti straps. Something that she really wasn't practised in wearing. Walking up Ali's gravelled pathway, however, caused more of an issue in the heels Hanna had practically stapled her into. Her heart sped up each step closer to the porch, and with each click of her heel on the wooden steps she thought she may faint from excitement. Lifting her finger up to the doorbell, she gentle pressed and heard it echo throughout the house. When Ali opened the door, Emily had to stop her mouth from dropping.

"Hey, beautiful" Alison greeted her with the brightest smile, her eyes staring at the gentle curl of her hair and following the curve of her body. Her mouth went a little dry.

"You look-" Emily began, tracing the deep black jumpsuit that Ali wore, a low V neck and embroided roses on the shoulders, clearing her throat "good" was all she managed. Ali smirked, eyeing the flowers in Emily's hands. "oh. Right" she said, speech having become a little stunted "these are for you" She said, blushing. Ali's face shone as she took them out of her hand. She pulled Emily inside the house, closing the door.

"They're beautiful, Em" she said,getting a lump in her throat "thank you" Emily just watched as she went to put them in a vase, humming as she went.  
"Do you really think Han's gonna make us sit through this whole thing?" Emily asked. Ali looked up and laughed at her expression; it was no secret how much Emily wasn't a fan of any overly-cliched movie.

"I'm sure she will" she disappointed Em "but it's fine. If we get really bored we can sneak off and find hot dogs" She was teasing, but Emily couldn't deny that she was a little tempted. There was a small silence as Ali presented her flowers on the counter top, smiling like a child on Christmas morning. When she turned around, Em was still stood, holding her own hands in the centre of the room.

"Shall we go?" She said. Ali nodded, moving to take her hand. There was a seconds hesitation as the girls walked out of the house hand in hand, and the act itself didn't last long either. "wait-Ali." Emily dropped her hand, and Ali paused walking any further. It was strange, Em stood in the arch way of the house and Ali stood watching her from the stairs.

"Are you okay?" Ali asked, worry flashing in her eyes.

"No- I mean, yeah. I'm okay. Actually, I've been more than okay all day" she thought back a little nervously to the previous night. "last night was perfect" she practically whispered "and I just wanted you to know- you know that, I mean it's kind of a given anyway but- I, well I love you too. Ali, I love you so much that it physically hurts me sometimes and I'm sorry I didn't-" She grew more confident the longer she rambled on, and Ali stopped her train of thought by interrupting her with a kiss. Her hands tangled into Emily's as the brunette threw her arms around Ali's neck. Neither girl wanted to let go. In fact, Emily almost pushed them both back inside the house, ready to remove any and all things that got in the way of their closeness.

"Em" Ali breathed huskily "we promised Hanna" she nuzzled her head into Emily's neck, leaving small kisses.

"I don't care" Emily whispered back, her voice a little deeper. Alison laughed softly.

"You will tomorrow if you have to face Hanna's wrath of missing girls night" she pointed out, leaving once last peck on her lips "please. Let's go." Ali took her hand again as Emily almost toppled over in her heels. "really Em? Heels?" Ali laughed, shaking her head as they both climbed into the car.

"Is this the repayment I get for trying to do something nice for you?" She shot back with a frown.

"God no" Ali mumbled "I'm sure I can find something to show my gratitude when we get home" And that was when she drove off, Emily's heart practically thumping outside of her chest.

…...

"Hanna, this was a stupid idea" Spencer said as they all found their 'seats' in the centre of Rosewood park. She wore a dark blue wrap dress with a cream cashmere showl.  
"No it wasn't" Hanna insisted, barely covered in a small red dress and black wrap "we're allowed to get dressed up...especially when we're going out after this" She plastered a smile on her face, trying to encourage the others to be as enthusiastic as her.

"I don't see why we couldn't have skipped the movie and gone straight into Philly" Aria grumbled, her arms crossed as she walked next to Ali.

"Because then Ali and Em would've had no fun- duh" Hanna said endearingly.

"What?" Ali looked a little cross "just because I can't drink doesn't mean Em has to miss out too" She said, rocking back on her feet so she could walk with Emily.

"I agree" Hanna said nodding her head.

"But we all know she won't" Spencer finished with a coy smile. Emily blushed, but didn't deny it. From her side, Ali grabbed her hand.

"Don't stop having fun for me" She implored "that will just make me feel even worse"

"Ali, I'll never stop having fun when I'm with you guys" She said, dropping her hand and walking a little further ahead. Ali frowned, but let it pass. They took their row of little wooden chairs, Hanna sitting on one end with Emily on the other and Ali, Spencer and Aria in between. While it was admittedly a little cold, Emily thought, the park looked particularly pretty with tints of fairy light and people waddling around all dressed up. She reached her hands out to Ali, a little shiver running down her spine as she did, and entwined her fingers in hers. Ali looked up, gleaming, and smiled. Emily could've sworn she had fallen asleep, because the movie was over in what felt like 10 minutes. The five them stood as the park erupted into applause and people of all ages bursting into song.

"See!" Hanna exclaimed "I told you it would be fun" Emil tried to enthusiastically agree, and it seemed to work for the most part. Except when Ali chuckled in disbelief from behind. "Now come on, if we hurry we can make the 9:30 train into Philly" She didn't even wobble as she paced it across the park, Aria and Spencer following closely behind.

"You guys" Aria called as they reached the gate, turning to face Ali and Emily "hurry up!"Emily hesitated for a moment, turning to Ali and seeing the exhaustion that was covering her face, which she was trying unsuccessfully to hide.

"Why don't you guys go ahead?" She proposed, her eyes not really leaving Alison's "we both have work tomorrow and Ali needs to rest" Ali sighed as if a ballon was being popped inside of her, and she sent Em thankful eyes. Even in the dark, hazy mist that had clung them that evening, Emily could see Hanna purse her lips, raisin an eyebrow.

"Sure, Em" She said sceptically.  
"Do you want a ride home?" Aria asked "I mean- we can get the next train, it's not a big deal"

"No" Ali said gratefully "thank you. I mean- Jason's at home anyway. We can get a cab" Emily had to bite her lip to stop herself from groaning. She had forgotten Jason was back in town.

"Is Caleb home, Han?" Emily asked, trying to be nonchalant. Hanna scoffed, crossing her arms.

"No" she said, her eyes looking Emily up and down "he left for Montecito about an hour ago. He'll be back Friday" Emily cleared her throat as she could feel heat radiating out of Alison, and the proximity was almost killing her.

"Okay. Cool, I er- just needed to pick some stuff up" The other three girls all smiled and made their way, running as fast as they could in their spindly heels, so they would make their train. When they were alone, Emily suddenly found herself to be a little self-conscious.  
"Thank you" Ali broke the silence, her voice clear "for getting us out of that, I know it sounds awful but I'd much rather be in bed with a movie" She admitted "I'm sorry that Jason's home. I mean, I'm not sorry, I just mean- you know" Ali stuttered, growing less and less confident.

"Ali, stop talking" Emily teased, taking her hand. For a while they walked in silence, just embracing being in each others company under the street lights and the almost deserted roads. In any other situation, Emily may well be afraid. But, with Ali by her side, the fear was defeated by unrestrained happiness.

"Did you enjoy it?" Ali asked, their hands still holding the others "the movie, I mean" Emily took a minute to think about.  
"Yeah" she decided on "it was a little... unrealistic for my liking but, cute I guess. My mom will be pleased, though, she's been pestering me to see it for years" Ali's eyebrows arched as she sighed dramatically.

"I can't believe you'd never seen Dirty Dancing" she teased "it's a classic"

"Exactly" Emily argued "I can't stand the cliches" Ali laughed out loud, it echoed down the street.

"You're always finding new ways to confuse me, Em. Are there any other movie rules I should jot down?" She said playfully. Emily bit her cheek.

"A little one" She confessed. Ali waited with bated breath. "I always wonder, you know if it was me in the movie, would I ever bother starting it if I knew how it ended. Like in Batman- I thought to myself do you think he would ever have bothered becoming Batman if he knew it would lead to the death of the love of his life?" when Ali didn't say anything, too busy staring at the movements of her mouth and the way the moon highlighted the flawlessness of her cheek, Emily muttered "That kinda thing" suddenly becoming embarrassed.

"I don't know" Ali said cryptically "I think that's a good way to teach yourself how to reflect"

"Careful, Ali- your shrink is showing" Ali nudged her playfully so that she tripped over her own heels a little and she toppled into Ali's protective embrace. The air suddenly became a little stuffy. Ali cleared her throat, resuming her steps and holding onto Emily a little tighter.

"So, do you ever think about your own life?" She asked curiously. When Emily hesitated in confusion, she elaborated. "do you ever think, you know- if you knew then what you know now, would you have bothered?" she took a minute to form her words more coherently, not looking Emily in the eye "Would you have bothered knowing me if it meant a life free from -A?" She was becoming increasingly more quiet, her words murmurs, dripping with insecurity "Would you still tell me all your secrets?" Emily could tell she wasn't finished, and so waited the next few moments as she asked the most important ones "Would you still share your first kiss with me?" the last was barely a whisper "Would you still fall in love with me?" Emily sighed, upset with the implications under Alison's words. Yet she couldn't deny that she had never thought about that herself. She shrugged, forcing Ali's gaze onto her.

"Ali, I would do it one hundred times over" she said proudly "in spite of everything. You're worth the fight" Her lips curled up in elation, her eyes beaming.

"Even before?" She asked, hating how needy she sounded but also desperate for some reassurance. "when I was, you know, a bitch" She tried to laugh it off but Emily could practically touch the guilt in her tone.

"I never saw you as a 'bitch', Ali." She said honestly "I mean, you were" she laughed "but I never saw you as that. You were so much more than that to me- there was so much more underneath the whole 'Queen of Mean' bullshit you gave us" It felt weird to Emily, it had been so long since they had properly talked about the days before -A, the days before the disappearance.

"I've never been more honoured than knowing that you held out for so long, Em. You so easily could've given up on me" Her voice trembled a little, and Em just rubbed circles on her hand, trying to reassure her without words that no matter how hard she tried to, she could not have ever given up on Alison.

 **Please leave a little review if you did enjoy or if you didn't (or if you want to see any particular scene in this story I'd be happy to write it) it will motivate me sooo much more xx**


	5. Fire and Ice

**Happy PLLday for those of you blessed enough to live in America while I have to wait a whole extra 12 hours :/ Hope you enjoy! And thank you for all the faves and reviews and follows for last chapter it means so much! Please keep on reviewing it honestly makes my day x x x**

Emily awoke to the sound of violent retching coming from Alison's bathroom. It was dry and loud, something that, Emily assumed, she was going to have to get used to. After staying at the loft for a few hours to have some time to themselves last night, they had decided to get a cab back over to Ali's; it wasn't often that Jason was in town and Em didn't want Ali to have to miss out. She had had every intention of going back home after making sure Ali was safe, but- unsurprisingly- Ali had invited her to stay the night. That was why she was abruptly woken, 2 hours before she needed to be, and as the sound hit her ears she raced into the bathroom, wishing more than anything that she could take her place.

"Ali?" She said softly, treading over to where she kneeled over the cold of the toilet, wearing only a sharks t-shirt. She coughed a little before she sat up as Emily placed a comforting hand on her back.

"Morning" Ali said deflated "sorry- I didn't want to wake you up" Her voice was a little quiet but otherwise she seemed reasonably strong. Emily exhaled, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"You should've woken me up sooner" She said, a little furrow appearing between her brows "can I get you anything?" Alison slowly rose to her feet, flushing the toilet and rushing to brush her teeth.  
"No" she said simply "thank you. What time is it?"

"About 6:30, I think." Ali smiled, her toothbrush sticking out of her mouth.

"That's a whole other half hour before I need to be awake" she grinned, turning the tap on and splashing cold water in her face. Emily smiled with her.

"That's certainly a nice way of looking at it" Emily breathed "were you planning on sleeping?" Emily's heart beat suddenly increased as she looked at Ali, finally noticing that all she was wearing was her own t-shirt, her hair in messy bun and her skin glowing.

"Yes" Alison teased, walking over to her and pecking her lightly on the cheek. Emily groaned and followed her back through to the bedroom, Ali taking her hand in her hers. "you don't have to stay," Ali told her "I know you can't get back to sleep once you're awake. Go and have some breakfast, I'll be fine" Part of Emily wanted to refuse and lie next to Ali making sure she was okay. The other part of her craved a fried egg sandwich and coffee now that the 'b' word had been thrown around.

"Are you sure?" Em asked "I don't mind staying" Ali shook her head, her eyes growing heavier and slowly closing.  
"Yeah" she mumbled "I'm fine" Emily waited crossed legged on the bed for a few more minutes to be sure Ali was comfortably asleep, before she got up and made her way down stairs, trying to avoid Jason's room so she didn't wake him. The sun was brewing outside the window, sending the house into a state of golden shine. For the first time in a while, Emily really didn't want to go to work that morning. When she arrived in the kitchen, she almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Jason sat at the breakfast bar, shirtless, flicking through the _Rosewood Observer_ and coffee steaming in his hand. He looked up with a chuckle at Emily's inadvertent yelp, raising his eyebrows.

"Good morning" He greeted her "coffee?" He got up from the stool, grabbing a mug from the tree.

"Please" Em replied "sorry, I didn't realize you were awake" She took Jason's seat as he re-boiled the kettle, noticing the huge, black letters leering at her from the crinkled paper.

"Yeah- Ali's pregnancy symptoms were better than my own alarm clock" he joked, placing a coffee down in front of the brunette. At seeing what she was reading, his voice steadied into one of more concern. "I wouldn't bother reading it" he warned "it's nothing new" Yet she couldn't help herself.

 _ **CORRUPTED DOCTORS DEATH RULED HOMICIDE.**_ "Emily" he said a little more sternly "really. Don't" He took the paper out of her hands and folded it up, placing it in the bin. "whoever it was was doing us all a favour" Emily's throat suddenly went dry, and she took a deep gulp of coffee to give herself an excuse to stay quiet.

"Yeah" was all she could manage. Jason titled his head, but otherwise said nothing at her lack of participation.

"How is she?" Jason asked, his eyes flicking to the ceiling.

"She's okay" Emily said truthfully "it's just a big adjustment to her. But she'll manage it." Jason frowned, looking sceptically.

"I think she's going to keep it" He admitted. Emily almost choked on her drink, her eyes watering up as she spluttered it all over the breakfast table.

"You do?" She said "why- why would you think that" Jason sighed before answering, leaning against the counter-top.

"I don't know" he said with a shrug "just a feeling" Emily didn't respond, too busy processing the information. "I really don't think it's what she needs right now, though" he continued "she's been through a lot over the years and I-I think she needs some time to learn how to take care of herself before she starts taking care of a child" He seemed to be in deep thought, as if only just realising his opinion in that moment. Emily bit the inside of her cheek, squinting, unconvinced, as she sat up a little straighter.

"I don't think that's fair" she challenged "she spent 5 years in this place taking care of Charlotte" And though she still cringed a little at the thought, it was a valid point. Ali had given up 5 of the most important years of her life to look after someone who had made it a living hell. If that didn't prove she was up to the challenge of being a mom, she didn't know what did. Jason shrugged, whether out of shame that Ali had had to do it primarily alone or because he knew Emily was right she wasn't sure.

"I guess" was all he said. There was a stretch of quiet as he made the pair of them eggs, humming along to the radio that broke the silence. Emily let her thoughts take over, as she suddenly began to address the reality of her and Ali actually going through with pregnancy. Despite the fact that they weren't 'officially' a couple yet, they _were_ in love, and they did spend most of their free time together. Em knew that if Ali decided to keep the baby it would be a joint effort. Not once had she questioned Ali's ability to be a mother- it was her own that she was more concerned about. "I think I could be on board if it weren't _his_ " He snarled the word, abruptly breaking Emilys inner monologue. "every time she looks at the kid she would be reminded of what he did to her" Emily could hear the anger he was trying to cover, the pure, untainted hatred he had for the man. The same hatred that coarse through her veins every time she thought of Ali in that place, thought of the _reason_ why she was in that place,her weak and her feeble figure lying petrified, alone in the dark. She shook her head quickly, as if hoping it would erase the image from her mind. Knowing nothing ever would.

"I don't think we'd have to worry about that" Em said, her gaze fixed on a small bird outside the window, Jason's back turned to her as he made them breakfast. Jason placed a fried egg and two pieces of toast on a plate, sliding it across to Emily "thanks" she muttered. He did the same for himself and sat opposite her, turning the radio down and looking at Emily, forcing her gaze to his.

"She's lucky to have you" he said as she smeared ketchup over the toast, he frowned at the combination, but otherwise let it go. When Emily could feel his stare intensify, she dropped her eyes and focused on her sandwich, not saying anything in response. "and I'm sorry that, you know I haven't been there to help you look after her" It took Emily by surprise, and she could feel her cheeks redden, dropping her food back on her plate and clearing her throat.

"Uh, I er- I wasn't alone. I had Hanna and the others" she pointed out, to which he shrugged, his face crumpling into confusion.  
"True" he conceded "but it's usually you who does the most" He pointed out "from what I can tell" He focused on his eggs, breaking them so that the yolk spilt over the overly-burnt toast. Emily watched as he mashed it up, confused as to where his inference had come from. "She talks about you" he said as if reading her mind, stabbing a piece of bread and popping into his mouth. He chewed, and swallowed, his eyes darting back to Emily's "a lot" He smiled as her face flushed, and she hated how embarrassed he was making her feel.

"I care about her" Emily said, not ashamed to admit it to him "I'm never going to let her suffer by herself. Even if sometimes she doesn't realise she's suffering" She was becoming more confident, less embarrassed to admit how she felt for his sister.

"Are you together?" Jason practically whispered, looking Emily directly in the eye- not giving her an opportunity to look away. "the way you talk about each other. I never really noticed it before but-" He dropped the end of his sentence, leaving Emily conflicted on what to reply. She decided that she should answer with the truth.  
"I don't know" she said apologetically. He exhaled, hoovering up another dose of eggs. "but I know that you shouldn't worry about her being alone" She took one last bite of her sandwich after she reassured him, and bounced up from her chair abruptly.

"I do it regret it, you know" He said, not moving from his seat. When Emily frowned questioningly, he got up from his chair and leaned against the island. "not helping more with-with Charlotte" Emily closed her eyes at the name, moving away from him to start clearing the plates. "you went to visit her didn't you?" Emily's head swam with the memory that, for a while, she hadn't let herself think about.

"Once" She confirmed with a nod "not for long. The other three couldn't stomach it" She said "understandably" Jason seemed to feel a little uncomfortable, his hands clenched. When he didn't say anything, Emily changed the subject. "I need to go wake Ali up, she's going to be late for work" she announced, beginning to move towards the stairs "thank you. For breakfast" Jason nodded, clearly happy for the change in subject.  
"Yeah, no worries. You guys want a lift over to the school?" Emily shook her head.

"No, don't worry about it. I think I wanna walk today" She smiled gratefully.

"Okay. I guess I'll see you tonight" He assumed with a chuckled.

"Probably" Emily laughed back. And with that, she raced upstairs before he could entice her into any more confusing conversations.

.…...

"You remember we used to walk home this way everyday after school?" Alison reminisced as her and Emily walked back from work, both completely exhausted. They were on an earthy pathway, a little off the main road, sheltered by dominating trees, the setting sun slivering through the branches.

"Yeah" Emily smiled, thinking fondly of their younger selves "you would _beg_ me to walk this way because you were too scared of running into people on the main way home" Ali giggled. "not that I took much persuasion" Em realised with a frown.

"I wasn't scared" She promised "I just wanted an excuse to spend more time alone with you" Emily exploded with laughter, releasing Ali's hand.

"You are so corny" She teased with a smirk. Ali shrugged.

"You say that like it's a bad thing"

"Not a bad thing" Em corrected her, re-taking her hand because she missed the feel of her skin on hers "just- a new thing" Ali smiled, her dimples appearing so deep that it was all Em could do not to smoother her with kisses. They walked in comfortable silence for a while.

"I need to tell you something" Ali said happily

"Me too" Emily counteracted with a grin "you go"

"It's big" she warned her "are you sure you don't want to go first?" A flash of horror shot across Emily's face, so much so that Ali felt guilty for being the one to cause it.

"No! No- it's not a bad thing" she comforted her "at least I hope it's not" The air seemed to suddenly stiffen as she pulled Emily to a stop, taking one hand to her chin and gently lifting it so that brown eyes met blue. "I've been doing some thinking" she began, her voice steady and shoulders high "you know I love you" she reiterated, causing Emily to grin uncontrollably "and you know that I eventually want us to walk down a street hand in hand without it being dark or-or hidden away." Emily gulped in anticipation.

"It's not because I'm ashamed-" She tried to explain herself but was cut short.

"Let me finish" Ali ordered "knowing that you want to be with me and I wanna be with you makes this whole thing seem a lot less scary"

"Ali- I don't wanna be with you because you're carrying my child" she assured the blonde "I wanna be with you in spite of that" she admitted with a misplaced chuckle, causing Alison's forehead to crease in annoyance as she kept interrupting her "sorry" she said sharply "go"

"Knowing that we can do this together? It makes me _wanna_ do this" Her voice plummeted to a whisper as she suddenly became hyper aware of herself, unable to contain the smile that crept onto her face "I wanna have the baby, Em. I wanna have your baby" Emily felt as if the breath was being knocked out of her, and she couldn't restrain the joy that powered through her, as if every single nerve in her body was simultaneously bursting into life.

"Wh-Ali" Was all she could say because her smile wouldn't let up for a second to allow a coherent sentence to form. "are you sure you want to do this?"

"Em" She said clearly, resting her hand on the brunettes cheek, titling her slightly as she looked her in the eye, basking in the light that radiated from them. "I'm positive" Emily leaned down, softly placing her lips on Ali's, trying to emit every feeling of love, hope and gratitude into that one moment. When they touched it was like the world around them slipped away into nothing, every worry and every shred of anger and frustration simply melting away because they knew that they would also, until their dying breath, have each other.

"This is possibly the craziest thing we've ever done" Emily laughed as she pulled away, taking Alison's hand and leading them back towards the town centre.  
"Speak for yourself" Ali teased, her eyes locked on their hands that sat peacefully entwined between them. "are you scared?" She asked fearfully.  
"the only thing crazier than doing this would be doing this and not being scared about it" she answered with a thoughtful sigh. Ali squeezed her hand in a comforting gesture.

"Good point" she said with a laugh. "I think we'll be okay" she assured Emily.

"I think we will too" Em agreed "but- Ali, I think the thing that would make the most happy is if we tell the girls" She remained confident, her voice not wavering as she divulged her biggest wish.

"Of course we'll tell the girls" Alison scoffed "I think they'd figure it out themselves when I became the size of a baby elephant" Emily rolled her eyes.

"I'm not talking about the baby, Ali" she rebuffed her invalid point, pulling them to a stop. "I wanna tell the girls- not just the girls but the _world_ \- that you're my girlfriend" She didn't even stutter as the words fell out of her mouth, and though Ali was a little taken aback she was pleased to finally hear the word out loud.

"I didn't know I was your girlfriend" She confessed, shying away from Emily's gaze.

"Do you not want to be?" Em muttered, suddenly feeling overly self-conscious. "I mean- I know that's kind of a new thing for you" Seeing the worry in Emily's eyes, Ali instantly grinned.  
"Of course I do" she said "but it is a new thing for me, Em" Her voice lowered, not because she was unsure of what she wanted but because she was so sure of what she wanted that she was scared she was going to mess it up.

"It's the same as any relationship" Emily pointed out "you just have to work with each other to see what's best and what makes the other one happy" Ali exhaled slowly, ready to take it further but petrified it wouldn't work.

"What if I screw it up?" She said so quietly that Emily wasn't sure she heard it correctly. Emily sighed, wrapping her arm around Ali a little tighter as they walked.

"You won't" she promised.

"what if I do?" Her voice crumpled under the weight of the fear she was clearly harbouring and Emily wanted to hold her tightly and not let go until she realised that she was, despite everything, capable of loving and of being loved. She wanted to shake her until she understood that the way she was isn't the way she is now and just because she didn't receive the love she needed it didn't mean she didn't _deserve_ the love she needed. She prayed it was that simple.

"Then we'll try again" She said clearly "I'm not gonna give up on you, Ali. Hell, we've made it this far. The next bit is the fun part" She teased, trying to get Ali to give up that beautiful smile. Emily's heart fluttered when she did.  
"You're right" she breathed "so that's it then. Emily Fields is my girlfriend" Emily raised her brow, stopping them one final time in their tracks. She pulled her girlfriend closer, planting a light kiss on her forehead,

"I love you" she muttered.  
"I love you too, Em" Ali whispered in her ear, leaving a trail of kisses across her jaw and onto her lip.

"But" Em said loudly, pulling away as they appeared from the bushes and into the town centre "we tell everybody. Tonight" The thought excited her; Ali wasn't going to be her little secret. Not again.

"That sounds perfect to me"

…...

"Aria- we're at the loft. Why aren't you answering your phone? Did you get Alison's SOS? Pick up you crazy person!" Hanna cried into Arias voicemail as her and Spencer huddled around the fire at the loft.

"Han, calm down" Spencer implored her "it's probably Ezra" She muttered, throwing her head into her hands and sighing lavishly. It had been a busy day for her, Toby having finally reappeared with a short text ( _I'm okay. Days are long. Be back soon._ ) and a job interview in the same day had caused her head to go into overdrive.

"Is anyone else bothered by the amount of times we say that sentence a day?" Hanna growled "who cares about stupid Ezra! It's an SOS- the rules haven't changed in 10 years, Spence. You always reply to an SOS."

"Maybe she can't!" Spencer yelled, growing tired of Hanna's constant dramatics nipping at her brain "who are you even talking to we're the only ones here"

"Jesus" Hanna mumbled, crossing her arms and stropping over to other sofa. It took her only a moment to realise that something was clearly eating away at Spencer, so she softened her expression and timidly walked back over, placing an arm on her shoulder. "what's wrong?"

"Nothing" Spencer said too quickly "I just- I was ready to go home. I didn't need an SOS tonight" Her voice was weary, wobbling as her eyes stayed stapled shut. Hanna tightened her grip on the clearly struggling girl in front of her.

"Ali will be here in a minute. I'll drive you home as soon as she's said whatever she needs to say" Spencer looked up and smiled, grateful that Hanna was there for her, knowing not to push or ask to many questions. It was at that point that Aria barged her way in. "nice of you to join us" Hanna snapped as she took a seat on the couch, barely acknowledging either of them and making a point of crossing her arms and legs as she did so.

"Sorry" she muttered "I was with Ez-"

"Ezra." Hanna finished her sentence with a glare.

"What got you in such a shitty mood?" Aria asked. Hanna just shook her head, wrapping a blanket around herself, watching the clock.

"This was Ali's SOS right? Where is she? And where's Em?" Hanna wanted to laugh because it was so glaring obvious now that she knew, but she was cut short as Ali and Em both entered, laughing over some forgotten joke, their hands holding. When Emily looked around she was shocked to find the three of them all sat there, but she didn't drop Ali's hand. In fact, she held it tighter.

"Hey" She greeted them, removing her shoes and walking over to sit with Aria.

"What is it? Are you both okay?" Spencer interrogated, wanting whatever this was to be over with quickly.

"Spence" Ali jumped to Emily's aid "it was my SOS" She turned to the rest of the group now, her eyes filtering over each one of them, trying to gauge their expressions but having little success other than feeling the tension that was practically steaming out of them.

"Any chance of something stronger than tea?" Spencer asked Hanna, holding up her mug.

"It's 5 o clock, Spence" She pointed out, placing the mug back down on the table.

"I meant coffee" She shot back. Hanna ignored her, shaking her head. "What is it, Alison?"

"What's is it with you, Spence?" Ali turned to her, annoyed that what she had hoped would be a beautiful, defining moment in hers and Emily's relationship was turning into nightmare on Elm street "you're jumpier than a kangaroo on crack"

"Nothing I just-" she opened her mouth to explain, hesitated, closed her eyes and leaned back against the sofa. "nothing" The girls knew not to push her; when she was ready she would come to them with whatever it was.

"Stop frowning so much Han, you're gonna get wrinkles" Alison joked.

"Okay can we just get on with it? What was the emergency, Ali?" Spence insisted.

"Me-ow" Hanna muttered under her breath. Aria glared at her, her eyes twinkling with humour.

"Guys?" Emily bought their focus back to her and Alison. "Listen. Please" Alison walked over to Emily's side, so close their shoulders were touching. Hanna's back immediately straightened as she saw the physical contact, and she dropped a cookie she was munching on back onto her lap.

"Oh my god it's happening" She exclaimed, throwing a cushion at Alison "you made me think something bad was going on!"

"What's finally happening? What are you talking about?" Aria said suspiciously, eyeing Emily and Alison stood together. Alison grabbed Emily's hand, their fingers lacing together, eyes meeting the others quickly, but intimately.

"We thought it was time for the formal announcement" Alison said sheepishly. Though she knew she wanted this more than anything, she was still irrationally fearful of any unwelcome consequences. "She's my girlfriend now" Ali projected into the room, so confidently it was like she were announcing the weather. Emily softly smiled, blushing a little as Alison turned to kiss her. "and she makes me happier than I ever thought I would be." Hanna stood up from the sofa with a huge grin on her face, pulling the pair into a bear hug.

"I'm so happy for you" she breathed "and I'm honestly so happy for myself." When Emily frowned, she continued "me and Caleb placed a bet. $50 on you two secretly dating" Alison burst out with laughter.

"Were we that obvious?" Hanna smirked and nodded apologetically.

"I didn't notice anything!" Aria disagreed as she jumped up to hug them "congratulations!" She squeezed Em's hand with a tight smile "you deserve a bit of happiness"

"Thank you, sweetie" Ali said. Emily wrapped her arm around Ali's waist and side-eyed her. Alison's gaze shifted, noting that Spencer had not moved from her spot on the sofa. When everyone went silent watching Ali's stare linger for a little too long on her unmoving figure, the tension in the room became palpable. Hanna watched with pursed lips as Spencer still made no movements to acknowledge the announcement or congratulate her best friends, awkwardness rising. Eventually, she stood up from her seat.

"SOS is for emergencies" she said quietly, not looking either of them in the eye "that wasn't an emergency" Emily frowned, releasing Ali's hold on her and moving closer to Spencer.

"What happened, Spence?" She asked, and Ali couldn't help but fall in love with her all over again as she heard concern lacing her voice rather than anger.

"Nothing happened, Emily" Her voice was becoming a little louder, a little more irritated. "I'm pleased for you. Can I go?"

"Then why are you acting like your grandma just died?" Hanna fired across the room unexpectedly "they're your best friends" She defended them both.

"Hey!" Aria joined "everybody calm down"

"I'm sorry, what just happened?" Alison silenced the room "We didn't decide to tell you this for kicks, Spencer. I trusted you with this. I trusted all of you. I know you like your _coffee_ bitter, Spence, but I think it may be seeping into your heart" Hanna's mouth plopped open and she moved herself out of the vicinity of the girls, not wanting to appear taking sides.

"Bitter?" Spencer spat in anguish "what exactly do you suppose I would have to be bitter about?"

"All of your best friends are in relationships" she said monotonously "you're the last one standing. Do you want my little black book?" Spencer laughed dryly as Em dropped Ali's hand. In that moment, Ali instantly felt the rush of mean racing through her, bubbling back up to the surface after all these years with no power to control it.  
"I think I could find my own torturer to marry, thanks Alison" She hissed, grabbing her bag from the sofa. "Hanna's with a cheater, Aria a _fucking_ stalker and you two have this messed up relationship based on nothing but a child who neither of you asked for and some forbidden fantasy Emily is trying to play out from when she was 14 years old" She spat at them one-by-one, uncaring of the looks of pain that flashed across each individual face. Ali's expression remained unchanging, her eyebrow hitching up a little and her right eye twitching.

"Take it back" she ordered, her voice not wavering "now" Spencer stood still for a moment, her breathe held in her lungs as for the first time in while Alison Dilaurentis had come out to play.

"No" The word spiked the air. No one dared breathe.

"Okay, stop it. Both of you" Emily cut in, placing herself in between them. Ali looked at Emily regretfully, seeing the hurt that pierced her eyes and wishing she could take back every word.

"Em-" She began.

"No, don't Ali." She silenced her "Aria, take Spencer home" she told her. Aria looked at her with pleading eyes, not wanting to be the one to try and break down her walls and figure out what was going on. Never-the-less, at seeing how Hanna stood, her back to all of them and hands held tight in balls, she gave in with a look of pity.

"Okay" she agreed "come on, Spence" She grabbed hers and Spencers purse, taking the latters elbow as she refused to leave.

"I love you both" Spencer whispered as they reached the door "but this isn't healthy. Em, she broke your heart."

"Get out, Spencer. I have limited sympathy and each time you speak it goes down" Emily tried to control the emotion in her voice but it wavered unnervingly.

"You weren't there" Spencer suddenly turned from the door, ripping herself free of Aria's grasp "you weren't there when we thought you dead" Her eyes darted to Ali's as she gulped uncomfortably at the thought "you weren't there when _she_ thought you were dead. It shattered her. And you didn't even care enough to let her know you were still alive" Her eyes didn't move from the deep blue of Ali's but it was obvious to each of them who she was talking about. Emily moved uncomfortably, trying to avoid listening to a deafening conversation.

"I did care" Alison whispered "more than you will ever understand."

"Why are we still talking about something that happened 7 years ago?" Hanna spun around from her position.

"Because we never talked about it, Hanna. That's my point. Ali just waltzed back into our lives with barely a hello and no explanation about where she was"

"Who cares?" Aria exclaimed "the point is she was alive, Spence. Get over it"

"You thought she killed her sister less than two months ago, Emily! And you were making out with your ex less than two weeks ago" Spencer hollered with a sarcastic laugh. Emily shot her death stare, not finding the words to explain how furious she was.  
"That doesn't matter" Ali tried to defend her without looking at her, knowing that this was now going to be causing them some issues but trying to minimize the damage "we've all hurt each other at one point" she continued, trying to calm the atmosphere "whether we accused people of murder or- or accused our best friend of lying over sexual harassment, or 'stolen' boyfriends or forced you to lie to the police or accused your girlfriend of being A" she cleared her throat, feeling everyone's eyes on her "and yet here we still stand" she attempted a smile "each one of those things had made us stronger, Spencer. Not one of us is the same person we were 10 years ago"

"Toby was A" Emily interjected unexpectedly, Alison abruptly stopping in her tracks. "you forgave that"

"He was A to protect me" Spencer said emotionless "and we aren't together any more so you're point is irrelevant"  
"And you think Ali didn't tell us she was alive for any other reason _except_ to protect us? You thought she enjoyed seeing us mourn over her and build a memorial and fight the PD for more information? You think she was sat back laughing at us running around like petrified bunnies?!" Everyone was silenced by her words, not knowing what to say because when Emily was angry, she was _angry_.

"Em-" Ali said softly, placing a calming hand on her back "it's okay" Emily didn't push her away, thankful for her touch as it ironed out the rage that had sparked within her. She turned to Spencer, trying to forget the other three were even there "I don't know what you want me to say. I could apologize to you every single day for the rest of my life. It would still never be enough,would it?" Spencer sighed, her stance loosening, closing her eyes.

"I'm sorry" she muttered through clenched teeth "I didn't mean to ruin this"

"Talk to us, Spencer" Aria begged "we love you. We know you. What is going on?"

"I do forgive you, Ali" She said first "of course I do. I trust you and I love you. But I don't want to see this group ripped apart because of another break up. The last one almost destroyed it" She put effort into not making eye contact with Hanna, who retracted into herself, suddenly a flush rushing over her face.

"Em and I have made it through more than a break up" she pointed out "and I personally don't think that's anything to worry about" Emily still stood harshly, her arms crossed and her eyes dead on the floor. It was strange, sometimes a part of her had just forgotten that Ali had once not been in her life for over two years. She had erased the memory of what it was like to not hear her angelic laugh or see her devious smirk or touch her silky hair. Letting herself forget the pain that she went through had almost made up for the scars it had left behind. When Spencer bought it up like this, so unexpected and so suddenly, it sent her spiralling into overthinking and over-remembering and she didn't like it. The silence dragged on, and no one dared even breathed, waiting for Spencer to give some kind of explanation, something that would help them understand why she was unwilling to let go of how much Ali had hurt the girls. The fire continued to ripple in the corner, the sun steadily setting outside the window, creating a delicate burnt orange sheen across the loft. Hanna stood, her eyes flicking between each girl, trying to figure out the best way to move forward. Of course, a part of her understood where Spencer was coming from, it was the same part of her that had caused her to drown her feelings in alcohol when Alison had first come back to Rosewood. But it was a very small, irrational part. Totally insignificant and never something she would use against Ali. Aria looked pityingly at Spencer, more hurt by the fact that she was keeping whatever it was to herself than what she had said about Ezra.

"I think" Emily began tentatively as all 4 sets of eyes flicked to her "Charlotte being killed has bought up a lot of stuff. Stuff that we haven't wanted to deal with"

"And I think you two haven't really processed the fact that you are related" Aria added with a knowing look, scared to make either Spencer or Ali blow up again, but also aware that what she was saying was true. The blonde and brunette both shared a momentary look, not wanting to hold it but understanding of the fact that Aria was probably right.

"And we all just need to take a deep breath and start again" Hanna finished, walking over to Spencer and putting her arm around her "we're better than this. _You're_ better than this, Spencer" Spencer wanted to push against it and let the unnecessary and unexplainable anger that was stirring within her live a little longer before she extinguished it. But then she looked at Emily, saw the pain and discomfort that she had never mastered how to hide and realised how awful she had been. She looked at Alison, whose eyes had barely dropped from Emily's, and she saw how desperate she was to make it better, but only so she could wipe away the bad stuff and replace it with the usual glow of joy that usually radiated out of her girlfriend. And suddenly she was attacked with guilt. What had she been thinking? What had she said? Why? Why?

"Oh my god" she mumbled, looking down at the ground because she was too ashamed to keep focus on any of them. Ali looked like she was about to go off on one again, but softened as erratic tears spilled from Spencer's eyes. Erratic and uncontrollable. "I'm so sorry" She said through broken tones. Aria jumped up, immediately stretching up to embrace her, sending gentle murmurs and stroking her back as she tried to compose herself.

"Me too" Ali muttered "that stuff I- I shouldn't have said it. I don't know what happened"

"It's okay" Spencer said as she regained her voice. The 5 stood around Spencer, all deeply concerned for her. In turn they passed her around like a pass the parcel, hugging and apologizing. When she reached Emily, there was stilted moment where she thought Em would refuse to uncross her arms. When she did eventually uncross them, the whole room let out a sigh of relief.

"love you" Emily muttered.  
"Love you" she said back. "and congratulations" she added, pulling away from her and moving to Alison, grateful to be welcomed into her arms "you guys make a beautiful couple" She laughed as she tucked a little strand of hair behind Ali's ear. "love you" She repeated.

"Me too, Spence" Ali said happily back. "maybe we should do coffee this week. You know, just the two of us"

"I'd love that" Spencer said genuinely. So, they all huddled around the pair of them, Hanna clambering on Alison and Emily again in her utter joy and finding out their relationship status.  
"From now on I'm just gonna refer to you as 'Emison'" She joked, turning on the stereo.  
"Or not, Han?" Ali laughed, though her and Emily still hadn't spoken directly to the other since all the hugging had began she was still relieved that all 3 of her best friends were on board. "I think I'm gonna head home" she announced "baby needs their sleep and so do I" Aria frowned at the sentimentally behind her words, but before she could ask. Ali carried on "oh yeah- is now a bad time to mention that we're keeping the baby?" And, unlike the outcry she was expecting, they all just smiled warmly.  
"I call godmother!" Hanna cried before any of the others.

"Han! You can't just call godmother" Aria complained.

"Sure I can. I see the baby- I hear it's going to be in our lives and I call godmother. That's ,like, the rules" She said seriously as she wandered over the kitchen to grab herself a beer. Alison chuckled to herself, happy that this baby wasn't going to be the cause of any animosity.

"Good night, you guys" she said as she pulled the door. She hesitated before she walked through it, her gaze resting on Emily. "you coming, Em?" She asked with a smirk. Em looked at her, her brow arching.

"Yeah" she muttered "I'll get a ride later over, okay?" Alison's breathed caught in her throat, but she smiled through it, not wanting to cause an issues.

"Okay" she smiled "I love you" she called, hoping the brunette would at least walk her down to her car.

"Me too" Em replied with a dainty smile "I'll see you soon" Alison smiled at her one last time, before heading out by herself, heading home _alone_ for the first time in weeks.


	6. All's fair in love and war

**Sorry for long update, it's been hard to get motivation when Emison had such a perfect endgame on the show3 next one will be sooner, I promise x**

"Are you just gonna sit here all night or are you going to go and fight for what you've wanted for so long?" Hanna rounded on Emily, and it was nearing midnight. "Caleb is gonna be home soon" She said, an extra push to get her to and talk things through with her girlfriend. Emily just sighed, finished the last of the bottle of wine, relishing in the taste of alcohol; she had been abstaining since Ali told her she was pregnant.

"I haven't seen her like that in years" She finally said, causing Hanna to roll her eyes and take the glass out of her hand.

"You're being ridiculous" She said bluntly, standing up and taking the glass over to the sink, pouring out the remnants.

"Am I?" Emily argued back, standing up from the sofa and crossing her arms so that her and Hanna were at equal level "when Ali died, bitchy Ali was supposed to die with her" Hanna rolled her eyes again, stomping over to stand next Emily and put her hands on her her shoulder.

"She was _defending_ you. She's like, _just_ come to terms with who she is and one of her _best friends_ wasn't on board. _Of course_ she was going to jump down her throat, that's just Ali." The passion Hanna felt for her words seeped through and Emily couldn't help but smirk. Shaking her head slowly, she internally slapped herself.

"You're right" She said with confidence. For a second, Hanna was going to fight back, but after processing what Emily had said she smiled smugly, shrugging her shoulders.

"It has been known to happen" They stood in silence for a second, Emily biting down on her lip. Hanna exhaled. "you want a lift over, don't you?" She guessed. Emily sheepishly nodded her head. "well, come on then" Hanna said irritatedly "Jesus, the things I do for you and your love life" she muttered as they walked out to her car, Emily's heart beating extra loudly in her chest. The drive felt longer than it should have, but eventually the familiar sounds of the crunch of gravel resonated around them. Unfastening her seatbelt, she jumped out off the car.

"Em?" Hanna stopped her before she belted inside. Emily waited for her to say something. "Just, remember how much it's taken you both to get here" she reminded her (as if she needed it).

"Yeah" Emily said with a soft smile "thanks, Han" And with that she ran up the porch, not bothering to knock on the door considering this was also her home now. "Ali?" She called once, with no reply "Alison?" She tried again, cringing a little; she never used her girlfriends full name. She wandered upstairs, and found Ali in their bedroom, asleep, wearing Emily's coaching jumper. She smiled to herself, shaking her head. It was hard not to fall in love with her all over again when she looked at her sleeping, so innocent, and so beautiful. Tiptoeing across the room, she covered Ali with the duvet, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She stirred under Emily's touch, and turned so that she was on her side. Emily cursed herself.

"You came home" she sighed happily "I'm sorry" Ali muttered, half-asleep as her eyes flickered in between being opened and closed. Emily sighed, kicking off her shoes and lying down next to her on their bed.

"It's okay" she whispered "I came home to tell you that I love you" Ali smiled, pouting her lips for Emily to reach down and touch with her own.

"I shouldn't have said that stuff" she continued, despite her obvious exhaustion "it was stupid" Emily nodded her head in agreement, their noses still touching.

"Yeah" she said honestly "it was"

"I just wanna protect you" She admitted, her eyes still not fully open and her voice dry with tiredness.

"I know, baby" Emily said back "but I don't need protecting all the time. Especially not from Spencer" Ali smiled again, letting herself snuggle further into the bed, Emily's arms stretching around her.

"I won't do it again" she promised groggily "And, you know, it's the hormones too" She said, before she settled again and became weak in Emily's embrace. Emily just chuckled softly, before kissing the top of her head and letting her drift back to sleep. She had a feeling she was going to be hearing those words for a long time coming. The following morning came too quickly, and Emily's alarm clock for work disrupted the serenity of their sleep. It was painful untangling herself from Ali's perfect form, but she managed it eventually. Kissing her softly on the forehead, careful not to wake her, she slipped into the shower. The sound of rushing water startled Ali awake, and she smiled to herself as she remembered where she was, and who she was with. Every morning she had to pinch herself to remind herself that it wasn't all a dream; Emily Fields really was her girlfriend and she really was pregnant with her child. Sighing heavily, she buried back down into her duvet, smiling like a toddler as the sun streamed in through the window, feeling refreshed. The water finally clicked off, and Emily appeared in the doorway of their en suite, wrapped in a white cotton towel, her hair dripping wet and droplets falling down her skin.

"Hey" She said happily, a smile surfacing on her face "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up" Ali brushed off her apology with a small shake of her head, pulling back the cover so that she could get out of bed herself.

"It doesn't matter, I had to be up soon anyway" She told her, walking over to the mirror and standing sideways, admiring her naked form.

"You're so beautiful" Emily noted, watching as she ran over her growing bump. Ali frowned, turning away from the mirror and throwing a pair of sweatpants and a big jumper.

"Shall I make breakfast?" She asked. Emily nodded.

"Take your vitamins!" Emily called as her girlfriend left the room, grinning from ear to ear. Ali waltzed downstairs, her heart completely full of joy as she found Jason sat in front of the telly, watching some old documentary.

"Morning, Al" he called from the sofa, sipping on a cup of coffee. It was only when she moved closer into the room when she saw her. A girl with beautiful dark black hair, sharper cheekbones than Ali had ever seen and deep green eyes.

"Uh" She said, startled by the girls beauty "Good morning" He smiled at her warmly the girl next to him was curled into his chest, wearing what looked like one of his pyjama shirts and a pair of grey sweatpants. She cleared her throat a little awkwardly as she moved away from him, jumping up from the sofa.  
"Oh, god, I'm so sorry. Ali, this is Eliza. Eliza, this is my sister Alison" The girl, Eliza, stuck her hand out eagerly, shooting Ali a toothy smile.

"Oh, please. He's such a gentleman" she laughed and Ali was a little taken aback by the _girly_ nature of it. "you can call me Liz. It's such a pleasure to meet you, I've heard so much" Ali took her head and shook it, admiring how strong her shake was. She couldn't keep her eyes off the unbelievable whiteness of her teeth. It was only when Liz's grasp on her hand softened that she realized she hadn't spoken for a while.

"Right, and I'm just Ali. Barely anybody called me Alison any more" She chuckled a little awkwardly as Jason smirked behind her.

"What's he like, eh?" She said, winking at her before strutting out of the room. Ali stood frozen in the door way for a moment, as Jason looked down at the ground, his arms crossed across his chest.

"So" Ali said, motioning to the door that Liz had just walked out of "is that your-?" If she wasn't mistaken, she saw a blush spread across his unshaven face.

"Girlfriend." he finished "sorry, I thought you were all staying at Spencer's last night. I wouldn't have had her over otherwise" He told her.

"No I-I mean, congratulations" she stuttered "we were going to stay at Spencer's but there was er, there was a change of plan" His mouth twitched a little in confusion, but otherwise he didn't pry. "not that I care that you're here but, how long are you planning on staying, Jase?" Alison asked, watching his face slowly crumple into one of discomfort.

"I'll get out of your and Emily's hair as soon as I can" He promised "I just-I haven't had a placed to land for a while, and now I've got Liz I-"

"Wait, hold up" Alison cut him off "now you've _got_ Liz. I hadn't even heard her name until 5 minutes ago" Jason scoffed, rearranging the cushions on the sofa to give his hands something to do.

"Ali, I came back home and suddenly you were pregnant with Emily's child. I think we've both been a little private with our love lives" Ali wanted to protest but, when she thought of it properly, he did have a valid point. He watched smugly as she struggled under the weight of his gaze, walking closer to her and raising his eyebrows.

"Look, technically, this is my house too, okay? But I get it, you and Em are having a baby and that's great. Just give me a couple of months to save up a few bucks and I'll get my own place" Ali smiled warmly.

"I wasn't trying to get of you, Jason" she said honestly "it's actually been nice having you around" He smiled back a little awkwardly, making his way towards the door. She put a hand on his arm as he reached for the door knob. "but if you could be out tonight, that would be great" She asked, clenching her teeth. He sighed.

"Hot date?" He asked. She shook her head.

"Spencer's coming over and we have some stuff to talk about" He rolled his eyes.

"Damn it. Am I missing out on _another_ family dinner?" She grabbed a magazine and whacked him round the head with it, laughing as he winked and left the room.

…

The day passed with little tribulation. She was probably Rosewood High's most favoured teacher, after Emily. But she was a little distracted that day, her mind kept floating towards her anticipation of her meal with Spencer that night. She really didn't know how it was going to go, and crossed her fingers that it wouldn't end in an argument.

"Miss.D?" One of her students broke her out of her trance "the bell" He pointed up at the ceiling. She shook her, smiling like an idiot.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry. Go, good work today guys I'll see you tomorrow" One by one they all left, muttering about a big party that was happening that night. Ali smiled nostalgically and when she was the one that was planning ways of smuggling alcohol and deciding if she should go for smokey eyes or golden glitter. She was lost in her thoughts, distracted only by a light tap on the door.

"Alison?" She was surprised to hear Caleb's voice, he looked a little like a deer in the headlights; she couldn't remember the last time they had been alone together.

"Caleb" She greeted him, motioning him into the classroom. "Is everything okay?" He shuffled into the room, stuffing his hands in his pockets and taking a seat on top of one of the desks.

"Yeah" he said confidently "Is Emily around?" He asked. Alison frowned, becoming more and more confused as to what he was doing here.

"Uh, she's on her way over here. We were just going to head over to the Grill for some food" He nodded his head, and at that moment Aria appeared.

"Hey, guys" She said quietely. Alison did a double take.

"Okay, is someone going to tell me what's going on?"Ali said, exhaling loudly as she crossed her arms across.

"Give us a minute" Caleb said, his eyes hovering on the door. Alison turned to Aria, her eyes pinching up to demand an answer. She just shrugged in response.

"Don't look at me, he called me and told me to come to your classroom so here I am" Aria said, looking at Caleb warily. He smirked. They stood in silence for a couple of minutes, Aria and Alison both exchanging confused looks. Finally, Emily wandered in, Spencer following closely behind.

"Hey" Emily walked over to Ali, embracing her tightly and kissing her before turning to face the others "what's going on?" She took Ali's hand, quickly side-eyeing each other as Spencer barely acknowledged anybody except Aria.

"Okay" Caleb cleared his throat, standing up straighter and centering himself in the room. "I've asked you all here because it's the last place Hanna is going to think to look if she comes searching for you" All 4 of the girls stared at each other nervously, but Alison thought she could tell what was coming next.

"Caleb, you're scaring me" Spencer muttered "is Hanna okay?" He nodded his head confidently.

"Uh, yeah. She's better than okay, she's perfect" That's when it clicked for the rest of the group, although looking at her girlfriend Ali could see that she was still confused. "Okay, here goes nothing" Caleb said "she's never had much family, her dad was total waste of space. She's got Ashley but, that's it really" Spencer smirked, shaking her head softly and looking up at him with amusement.

"I can't believe you're doing this" she said happily.

"Can I finish?" He said, grinning. She nodded, pretending to zip her mouth shut. "thank you. I like to think that the four of you have been the family she's needed all her life. And I was lucky enough for you all to accept me as Hanna's boyfriend" They all smiled, a little embarrassed; none of them enjoyed being too emotional with each other too often. Caleb coughed loudly, his hands rubbing together in anxiety "but now, I'm just hoping you will be able to accept me as Hanna's husband" He shot them a crooked grin, and all of them simultaneously sighed with relief.

"Of course we would" Aria said, hitting him lightly on the arm "this was the best way you could think of asking us?" He chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

"Sorry" he said "I didn't exactly want to group snapchat" he teased. Spencer reached for him, taking him in her arms.

"Congratulations" She said with a grin. He pulled away first, looking down at his watch.

"Shit" he muttered "I've got to meet Ashley" He rushed for the door, yelling thank you and blowing them all a kiss before he rushed out of the room. There was a stilted silence; they hadn't been together since Alison and Spencer's argument last night.

"So" Aria said, pursuing her lips "I am late for dinner with Ezra" She announced, grabbing her back and walking out "I'll see you all soon" and she was gone.

"Shall we go?" Alison asked Emily, taking her hand as she awkwardly smiled at Spencer. Emily nodded, and the three of them walked out together in silence, Alison wanting nothing more than this day to be over. The evening whizzed by in a blur, and before she knew she was stood in a hot kitchen, food sizzling on the stove as Spencer sat in front of her, neither of them talking.

"Wine?" Ali offered, holding up an expensive bottle she had dug out from their cellar. Spencer sat staring at the label, her eyes not wavering from the delicate script as Ali waited for an answer. Slowly, she nodded.

"Please" She said quietly. Ali smiled timidly, and for a moment the only sound was the glug of dark red wine splashing against the fragile glass. Ali sighed heavily as she sat down, Spencer's eyes trailing her movements as she kept her eyes locked on the table. Neither said anything, so the former turned her attention towards the plate of pasta that Ali had made for them both.

"You still don't trust me, do you?" Ali broke the lingering silence, the words that fell out of her mouth crumpling her heart. Spencer frowned, looking up from her plate and tilting her head because the words made her uncomfortable. Shaking her head, she leant back on her chair and took a sip of her drink.

"That's not true" She said sincerely "I trust you. I love you and I care about you. That isn't what this is about" Ali's mouth dropped into a little 'o' shape at Spencer's blunt answer, but she quickly snapped it shut and traded it for straight face.

"So, what is this about, Spence? You practically bit my head off and spat it out yesterday" Both had all but forgotten about their meal that lay in front of them as Spencer leaned forward, placing her head in her hands and her elbows firmly grounded on the table. She gulped, tightly closing her eyes for a moment before replying.

"She's been through hell" She said calmly. The atmosphere immediately thickened as, despite no name being said, the topic that had bought them to have this dinner was bought up. Ali's jaw clenched.

"You don't think I know that?" Ali murmured.

"No, I know you know that." She said, trying to keep this from escalating into an argument "but you sometimes underestimate how much the rest of us care for her too. How much _I_ care for her too"

"Do you really think that little of me?" She looked straight at Spencer, neither of them blinking "That I don't appreciate what the four of you have been through together? Because, frankly, if you do then I don-" But Spencer cut her off before she could finish her sentence.

"I forgave you" She said sharply "I forgave you for skipping town and I forgave you for the complete hell your disappearance put us through. And the hell you put us through when you were still here. I think you forget the amount we have lied and-and given up for you Alison." Alison's chest slowly reddened as Spencer fired more words at her, not letting up for breath. When she finally stopped it took her while to respond.

"How many times do you want to re-hash the same conversation, Spencer? I know what I did and I know who I was and _I am sorry_. But I am not that person anymore, and you know it. I am not the same person because she makes me better." Her voice wavered a little and she wanted nothing more than to down Spencer's wine that sat teasingly in front of her.

"I get that you love her, okay? I'd be a fool not to see it" Ali scoffed.

"I feel honoured" Spencer sighed, rubbing her fingers systematically on her temple to try and iron out the tension.

"I didn't mean it like that" She said through gritted teeth. "I know it was years ago, Alison. Okay? I understand that I am being irrational and unfair. But when you hauled us back here to speak on behalf of Charlotte, I earned the right to be irrational and unfair. You _destroyed_ her. You used her and you manipulated her" Ali said nothing, waiting for Spencer to finish before she even attempted to fight back. But when Spencer wouldn't let her stare hold up, Ali cleared her throat to talk.

"I know!" Ali yelled, losing her temper now "I know I destroyed her, and while she has forgiven me I don't know if I will ever forgive myself" She spoke softly again, regaining composure because the last thing she wanted was to be fighting with Spencer "I have loved her since we were 14 years old and I have fought through every single insecurity I have ever had to be in this place with her. Please, don't ruin it" Tears pricked at the back of her eyes but she used all her strength to keep them at bay. Spencer sighed, and took Ali's hand from across the table, holding it gently. Ali recoiled a little too begin with, but eventually settled into it.

"I'm not trying to ruin it" She promised "really, I-I'm not. I just, every time I think of the two of you together my mind goes back to that place. All I remember is the day you went missing. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't get out of bed- it, it took her a month to get back in the pool, Alison" Ali cringed at the words, as if reading a scary book or watching a horror film; only this time it was through the eyes of someone else.

"I don't need to hear this" She muttered, pulling her hand away from Spencer's grasp, causing the latter to sigh in frustration.

"Ali" she said softly "please. I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm not saying any of this to hurt you" Looking into her eyes, Ali could tell she was genuine. She sighed and let Spencer take her hand again, but that didn't mean she understood.

"So" she said softly "why are you saying this?" Spencer paused for a moment, clearly unsure of herself. In her head, different reasons and excuses for causing to much tension flooded to the forefront of her mind but, none of them were completely authentic. Silence stretched on as she considered her next words, aware that the unease she had caused was slowly becoming stagnant and not wanting to say anything that could send it rippling again.

"I love her" She eventually decided on. Ali froze for a second "not like that" Spencer clarified "no, that's all yours. I'm just incredibly aware of how much it's taken the pair of you to get to this place and how much she has wanted this and I-I just wanted to make sure _you_ were sure that you were making the right decision before you promised her anything"

"Have you ever considered how much _I_ have been through to get to this place?" She replied quietly, ashamed to be saying it because usually self-pity was not her forte. But, for some reason, sat across from Spencer hearing about how much Emily had to battle through to become the person she is, it made her more inclined to care about her own history. Spencer froze, looking up at Ali through her eyelashes.

"No" she said honestly. "I should have. I'm sorry" Ali smiled lightly, laughing a little. Spencer frowned. "did I say something funny?" She asked, concerned.

"No" Ali assured her "I just- I love you so much" She admitted, her face beaming. Spencer exhaled loudly, returning her grin. "I can't help but recognise you're saying all this because you care so much"

"I love you too" She replied. "and that's the only reason. All I want is for you everyone to be okay"

"I know you have your...concerns but, Em is happy. Isn't that what's important?" She was confident, but not angry or defiant, as she spoke. Spencer hesitated, looking down at her neglected meal, and taking a sip of wine, before answering.

"It is refreshing to see you both so content" Spencer said honestly "god knows we all deserve it at this point" She took another sip, this time gulping it down so the glass was almost empty. Her hand shook a little as she grabbed her fork, twiddling spaghetti around it and sliding it into her mouth. Alison watched with intrigue.

"Is that a blessing?" Alison asked, fearful that this was going to be something neither girl could get over. Spencer didn't hesitate this time.

"I don't think you need my blessing" she counteracted, taking another mouthful of cold spaghetti "but, if that's what you were looking for then, yes. You have my blessing" She swallowed loudly, taking one last glug of wine so that the glass was empty, save for the deep red stain at the bottom.

"I get it" Ali said after a stretch of silence "I get why you're nervous about it" She said solemnly, knowing in her heart that Spencer's fears were, in fact, valid. Spencer waited for her to continue before she said anything, interested to hear a softer side to the argument. "but I trust myself now. So I hope you can too" The other girl sighed, pushing her hair back from her shoulder and taking Ali's hand in her own.

"Always" she said graciously. The pair smiled at each other warmly once more, until Ali stood up and walked across the living room, pulling out a stack of DVD's.

"The Notebook?" She said with a smirk.

"I would expect nothing less" Spencer replied, jumping up from her seat, bottle of wine in hand, and joining Ali on the sofa. The night lingered on, and eventually Spencer wound up a little drunk, asleep on Alison's couch. Ali looked down at her and smiled, flicking off the lights as she wandered upstairs, waiting for Emily to return; she had had a big meet at a school in Philadelphia that night. As she hopped into the shower, a way of passing the time before she could sleep, her mind couldn't stop replaying hers and Spencer's…heated conversation.

 _I-I just wanted to make sure you were sure that you were making the right decision before you promised her anything._ The words echoed over and over again in her head, and the more she heard them the more she decided that she was, with every part of her, ready for whatever was to come. She was sure of her choice because she was sure of herself now. She was sure of Emily. And for some reason, she found herself crying. Not because she was sad, no. But because it was overwhelming. Her unconditional love for the girl who's child she was carrying was like nothing she had ever experienced. And the love she received back was even more unique to her. She had never truly understood the concept of love, and the fact that one of her best friends could sit there and question her on it for the very same reasons she was terrified of embracing it, and yet she could still stand there and profess it either way, was the very reason she knew her and Emily were in it for life.

"Ali?" Emily's voice echoed in across the bathroom, and Ali almost toppled over in shock. "Hey, beautiful" Emily muttered, looking Ali up and down in the shower who still had soap clinging to her.

"You scared me half to death" Ali breathed out, rinsing off the last of her shampoo and jumping out, wrapping a towel around herself. Emily pouted, and Ali had just noticed her top was strewn across the floor, and her pants undone. She frowned.

"Get back in" Emily demanded "I was about to join you" She muttered with a smirk, tying her hair back into a high pony; a look that Alison couldn't easily resist.

"Is this victory sex or 'we lost and I need you to make me feel better?' sex?" Ali asked with a grin as Emily tore her towel off her, running the shower again so that the bathroom steamed up and she could feel moisture appearing over her body.

"This is victory sex" She said, taking Ali's hand and pushing her under the water, leaving a trail of kisses over her body "now tell me how proud you are of me" she said seductively. Ali practically melted as she took in Emily's flawless form.

"So proud of you baby" she mumbled incoherently as Emily pegged her up against the wall "so, so proud"

ps i also write for emison on my tumblr, teamwhothefuckisa, and i take requests to please feel free to send some in!


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